A View From Behind

Whitney Henry has written an excellent article about her experience as an Idol wannabe. She gives an interesting view of the entire audition process from her morning preparations to her final results on whether or not she is going to be on the show.

Whitney clearly is in Seattle as she discusses waiting in the rain, and the details of her day. I found it to be a really interesting first person view at the disaster unfolding in the early auditions.

MSNBC
I want to be an ‘Idol’: Truth behind auditions
Facing rain, the Crazies, hours of waiting — and no Honda hats
Whitney Henry
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15310288/

Idol Chatter from the good doctor

So, I had the thought that these audition shows appeal to the same part of humanity that enjoys watching "Cops." Without openly betraying my feelings about "Cops" (I hate it--go ahead, let me have it Mother!), I have a few thoughts about that notion.

Just like we watch officers dealing with the seemingly most unintelligent members of our race, we watch judges dealing with similarly "challenged" people fight against all that is within the realm of common sense.

Officer: Excuse me sir. Do you understand that possession of an illicit substance is a felony in this state?

"Brain Surgeon": (obviously stoned) Dude, uh, like, uh. What did you say again? Like, I'm so wasted I couldn't hear you.

Officer: No, I will not repeat the question. I'm taking you in.

BS: Dude, like, can I take one more hit before we go. My buzz is wearing off.

Officer: Are you serious?

At this point, Dr. THC makes a mad dash for it, not realizing that he's about to be clobbered by the seven other officers that show up (not for backup, but to be on the camera). Our "hero" is beaten to a pulp, and the viewers say, "Ouch! He's so stupid."

How about an A.I. equivalent.

Randy: Dude, like, Dog. Damn! Like, Dog. What the hell was that?

Melodious Mel: Is that good?

Simon: Oh bloody hell! Off you go.

Mel: So, can I go to Hollywood.

Simon: If I were the ticket agent, I'd sooner give you the kidney I didn't give to my brother--who I detest--than give you any way to get within 100 miles of this competition again.

Mel: Go back to England, 'cause, um, no one, um . . . [cue crickets--Paula yawns, Randy looks puzzled] no one . . . [cue time lapse sunset] no one likes you. [he smiles]

Simon: We've got another brilliant one here.

And we all think the same thing: "Wow! He's not too bright." And then we keep on watching.

Even though we all enjoy the terrible auditions on some level, once I get watching the Hollywood weeks and beyond, I feel so much better. It would be something like putting on an old episode of "Hill Street Blues" to chase away the feeling that I took a double-digit hit to my I.Q. by watching "Cops." I think it's interesting how Show A is something I can never bring myself to watch, but Show B (Show A, but about music) sucks me in . . . for 2 hours!!! Gotta love "American Idol!"

Mid-Season Twist

Hmmmmm, whatever will it be? Is it the song writing competition or something else? Here are some ideas: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16473839/

And just because we love Elliott . . .

Here are two of my favorite Elliott performances:

"Song For You"




"Moody's Mood For Love"

I Heart Constantine

From an email I've sent out to many of you on 9-14-2006:

Okay, so obviously the excitement keeps building as I'm scrolling through the page and then I see--OHMYHOLYCOWGOODNESS, I know Denise is going to be so very excited, but have an open mind, Den--CONSTANTINE's new album is coming out (don't look at the cover, Den; he's smoldering again) and there's an ENTIRE song you can hear and OMIGOSH OMIGOSH can I just say that not only does HE sound VERY awesome and the song sounds great, no word of a lie, this may be one of my very favorite songs I've heard in a while, too!! It's FANTASTIC! It's like Queen meats Santana meets Constantine. He uses a little falsetto, but not too much. The whole things is FANTASTIC! Wonderful beat, great melody, no word of a lie IT ROCKS! I LOVE IT!! (Okay, now you can go listen). :P

I reiterate that. I've come across it again on his site. There are two songs available there for your listening pleasure. Both are excellent, but my favorite is called "Girl Like You." Excellent! We love Constantine Maroulis, don't we, Den? ;) Enjoy! It's really, really good, I promise! http://www.constantinemaroulis.com/home.php

American Idol Song Contest

HURRAH! This is fantastic news, especially since Mark's written a song for this year's finale anyway! We've been trying to figure out how to submit it and voila!

American Idol Song Contest

And what a cool story we have--quit residency, write song, enter contest, win contest, pay student loans!

Taylor Hicks Goes Platinum . . .

. . . before even releasing his first single!! AMAZING!! We've heard nothing but good about his album. The reviews are truly phenomenal. We've heard that NPR has had interviews with people who have said that his original songs (he's written many of them) are better than the others! His songwriting and style are highly praised. We've ordered a copy for ourselves. :) We can post a review once we listen to it.



Here's the very short article that highlights Taylor going Platinum:
http://top40-charts.com/news.php?nid=29847

10 Things You Need to Know about American Idol

So here's a (rather large) teaser from TV guide to get you to buy this week's edition. Here are the first FIVE things you "need to know," but to find out the other FIVE, you've got to buy the magazine. I just want to say a few things first.

1. I thought something was odd about how Paula and Jewel weren't that buddy buddy on the show yesterday.

2. It's interesting to get a sneak peek at other judges from other cities as well as judges' favorites.

3. Ken Warwick can feel free to ask my input on what to cut out. I disagree with his assessment. Seattle very well could've (and should've) been a one-hour show. It was, as Simon says, abysmal.

Are the words "This is American Idol" music to your ears? Then brace yourself: Fox's unstoppable ratings juggernaut has returned for a sixth season of off-key wannabes and future chart-toppers. We tracked down the show's three judges, two producers and one excitable host and got them to reveal exclusive scoop on what just might be Idol's most unpredictable year yet.

1) Missing the early episodes would be a huge mistake. There are generally two reasons to sit through Idol's initial auditions: to catch the drama created by those who are a) tone-deaf, or b) have Lifetime-movie sob stories (such as Kellie Pickler, who showed up at her audition last year and revealed that Mom had abandoned her and Dad was in jail). The first city to get the audition treatment, Minneapolis, was chock-full of the latter, according to executive producer Cecile Frot-Coutaz. "We have some great stories — some really sad, and some inspirational," she promises. "You'll see a lot of heart."

Seattle, on the other hand, was all about damaged eardrums. Host Ryan Seacrest recalls the first of two days spent in the Pacific Northwest, when he sat down for a lunch break with the three judges. "We just looked at each other, jaws dropped, like, ‘Where have these people come from?'" he says.

As chronically cranky judge Simon Cowell puts it, "I hated everyone who auditioned." Surprisingly, he did not storm out of the room as he has in the past when frustrated by a lack of talent. But, he notes, "there were a lot of [contestants] who went nuts at me and walked out."

The turnout in Seattle was so ear-splittingly bad that what was supposed to be a one-hour episode got extended to two. "We came to the point where we were saying, ‘What do we take out?'" says executive producer Ken Warwick. "So to hell with it, we made it a two-hour show."

2) A whopping 103,000 hopefuls auditioned, and, Seattle aside, they weren't all William Hungs. In fact, Season 6 may boast the biggest talent pool yet. "America always has had the greatest singers in the world," Cowell proclaims. "We've definitely found that." Everybody has his or her early favorites. Paula Abdul is gaga over a handful of guys, whom she describes as "edgier than the girls." Randy Jackson favors "someone with curly hair," and Warwick raves about a girl who "is gonna give Aretha Franklin a run for her money." Still, they all agree that of those who made it through to Hollywood this year, there is no clear Fantasia-esque front-runner. This seems to suit everyone just fine. "It's a competition," Warwick says. "The ‘American Idol' is the last 35 seconds of the last show. The show is really about the journey, not the destination."

3) Contestants are sent packing faster than ever. It's hardly a big shock when Simon bluntly crushes a hopeful's dreams. But after five seasons, it seems even the sympathetic Abdul is running low in the patience department. "I actually said to myself, ‘I can't believe I just said [to a contestant], "You've gotta be kidding me."' But it's the sixth season! The bar's gotta be raised." And the bloodletting isn't contained to the seven audition cities. Some 173 hopefuls advance to the four-day-long Hollywood round — where the group is whittled to 24 — but, warns Frot-Coutaz, "the judges get rid of a lot more people than normal on the first day."

4) It's Paula versus Jewel in a verbal smackdown. Olivia Newton-John was a "sweetheart" when she helped the judges comb through prospects in L.A, while legendary songwriter Carole Bayer Sager was "subdued" in New York. Then there's Jewel, who sat in on Minneapolis. "She and Paula got a bit competitive at one point," Frot-Coutaz says carefully. Warwick is more blunt about the incident, which you'll see in the premiere episode: "They had a bit of a spat. It was near the end of the day. You gotta remember that Paula looks at [Idol] like, ‘This is my turf, girl.'"

5) Simon, Randy, Paula and Ryan secretly kind of like each other! On camera, Seacrest and the triumvirate of judges bicker like a dysfunctional family reunited for the holidays. Off camera, they're prone to teasing each other as only a close-knit clan can. When Abdul laments that Cowell has never given her a Christmas or birthday gift, he cracks, "I gave Paula a personality! That's the best present."

And when it comes to discussing their adventures on the road to each of this season's audition cities, they're prone to tattling on each other like children. Says Seacrest: "When Simon got into his hotel room, he'd call and ask how big mine was. If my room was bigger, he'd request a change."

And Cowell reveals that, during a shopping excursion to Seattle's Louis Vuitton store, Seacrest made an odd purchase. "He bought a hatbox," Cowell says. "You know, a box you carry ladies' hats in? He bought one. For himself. In red." Now, now, boys.

For the other five things every fans need to know about American Idol, pick up the new issue of TV Guide, on sale Thursday.

Full article here. The article at the link has several links contained in the article if you feel like digging further.

Kurt Cobain took all the talent with him

So here we are sitting down to enjoy another evening of people who should never sing. The show opens with another lame shot of the city backdrop and an annoying Seacrest comment about the screaming of the locals. A few more of those shots would have been more interesting then the two tortursome hours of untalented hacks parading in front of the triumverate of weirdness. Let's start on the triumverate, what the hell is wrong with Paula? At one point she actually said, "Hold on to your dreams becaue they will get you something someday". I think she's taking animal tranquilizers, she's even more incoherent then the last few seasons. On to Randy, appearently he's starting to wear down under the pressure of 200k or so really horrible singers. He's gotten rude and nasty and apeparently is trying to take some of Simon's press and airtime. Simon is Simon, he hasn't changed but you can see the shock in his eyes as some people come through the doors. I did think it was a little girlie on his part not to at least stand up as Taylor Hicks wannabe rushed him with hair gel. Before I end this section....perhaps a new do wouldn't hurt, I mean he does look like he combs his hair with buttered toast.

I'm sure by now you are wondering about Kenny and Cartman up there, well to be honest it was the first thing I thought of when Kenneth Briggs and Jonathan Jayne first stepped into our lives. Simon called poor Ken a bush baby and the hard part of that is that it's completely true. But as soon as I hear Jonathan sing, I knew we had found the real life Kenny and Cartman. Take a quick listen to Cartman singing "Come Sail Away" and tell me you don't hear the obvious connection. Now Kenny doesn't really speak but he sure does look like Kenneth.

I'm just basically scared at this point, 16, 000 people in Minnesota yeilded 17 contestants, 10,000 people in Seattle yielded only 14, this basically .13%, not 1.3...that would be 130 people. Less then one percent of the state had any talent. Now, before anyone accuses me of not being a singer, or being brave enough to audition, I know I can't sing, and now I know 99.87% of Seattle can't either.

C'mon people, when your husband says don't waste your time, stay home. Spend some quality time looking in the mirror, do you look ridiculous? Are you sure you don't? Check one more time, a lot of ridiculous people showed up. Check with friends and relatives, and if Randy, Paula and Simon say NO, this is probably two bits of bad news for you.
1. You can't sing
2. Your friends and family are either too scared to tell you, think it's funny to not tell you, or are coddling you like an idiot.
Any way you slice it, that's going to really change your future thoughts about them isn't it?

I'm begging you Memphis, do not blashpheme the King, do not show up in Gold Lame jackets or black leather suits. No polyester jumpsuits with belts that used to be a rear bumper for a Pontiac Bonneville. Just show up in your regular clothes, sing like yourself, and then leave when they give you an answer.

My last thoughts for you Memphis folks, don't sing any of the judges songs, don't sing their favorite songs, and certainly don't try to style Simon's hair.

"See-ya"attle

I guess it can get worse, right? Poor Seattle!

I liked that Thomas Daniel guy (yes, I took notes, but I missed his name and didn't want to rewind!) ...or maybe it's just the comparison after hearing so many awful things in a row...I wish they would have showed his previous 2 auditions! Has he improved a lot or is he just "comparatively good" now?

The reversible mom and daughter were really cute, even if she couldn't sing...

The beat boxing Blake seemed "boy-band" good, but I kept thinking of a pharmacist with his shirt, tie, and white jacket, especially when you could only see the top of him! I don't think that was the image he was going for...

I *LOVED* the Indian brother and sister! What a fun story - there have been tons of brother/brother or sister/sister combos, but I don't remember a brother/sister combo. They were really cute and I'm rooting for them! I hope they can "bring it" later... YAY that they both made it through!! :) :)

What's up with the door problems this year? At first I thought it was just Mini, but no...See-ya started in as well! If that kept happening over and over, wouldn't you put up an "EXIT" sign or something on the correct door? Or are they just looking for one more thing to make fun of people about?

That poor Zitzman kid, I was about to cry everytime he flinched as the critiqued him (pow!), and critiqued him (pow!), and critiqued him (pow!), and critiqued him (pow!)...you get the picture. I think just saying "no" is enough sometimes!

I liked Rudy...phew...another one through from Seattle!

I was laughing so hard I was crying with the 2 "new friends" (Bush Baby and Hawaii 5-0...why did Simon have to make the "Bush Baby" comment? They're there to judge the singing, not say rude things about features that can't be changed! And what is it about this show and bringing "different" boys together? They get them every season...). They were so sincere, it was sweet!

The Taylor wanna-be? Give me a break! And WHAT WAS HE THINKING with that hair gel? Simon's right, people just can't keep their hands off him, so he better watch out!

So only 14 made it through...and we saw just a few of them. I always wonder about those who made it through that we *didn't* see...are there any potential winners there? But alas, the ratings must do better with all the "NO WAYS!!!", so that's what we get. I guess Minneapolis was better than we thought!!!

Phew, it's over till next week! :)

Craig Ferguson's at it again!

Tuesday night, Craig Ferguson had a lot of great stuff about the A.I. Premiere in his opening monologue. I thought about posting the video here, but there was a lot of "extra" stuff, too. I'll put the links to the complete video (it's in 2 parts) here so you can look. We laughed a lot. Of course, we were watching at 1 am!

Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5hwj_FSY14
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LcM3L3pSPsk

Sometimes CBS posts shorter excerpts that are more focused. If and when that happens I'll put it up.

And you thought Minneapolis was bad . . .

I hate audition weeks. Why do I watch these? I sit through hours of crap to see one or two good singers emerge so I know who they are as they compete and so I can say, “I remember their audition.” But oh the torture. I think the audition episodes may well have something to do with my increased anxiety this week. If I were a pill popper, I’d be popping Paxil.

This show has gone too far. They’re totally exploiting people who are mentally and socially retarded. After watching this show, I feel socially retarded.

Let’s begin, shall we? Today’s post will be in the form of cited stupidity and response.

Stupid Move #1: Contestants mouthing off to Simon -- “I don’t see you putting out albums!”

Simon has not ever nor will he ever profess to be a singer or put out an album. So why, oh why, in the name of all that is Idol, do people insist on making asses of themselves with such stupid logic? Note to contestants—you look like fools when you argue that point. He is a “judge,” not a singer. He hasn’t ever said he is a singer. What part do you not understand? Oh and if you’re just that stupid, when have you ever seen mouthing off to the judges help a contestant advance? Particularly a bad singer.


Stupid Move #2: Nicknames that start with “The” end in “-ness”

The Hotness? The Hotness? Let’s see, Preakness . . . Loch Ness . . . yeah, that’s not working for you. On. Oh. So. Many. Levels.


Stupidity #3: Randy and Simon acting like a couple of giggly junior high schoolers at the expense of the contestants.

There are many, many times that the two of them just don’t come across as middle-aged men. “That’s not a compliment.” Ryan seems more mature than the two of them put together.


Stupidity #4, 5, and 6: Leggings. Pink Leggings. Pink Leggings on the arms.

Does this even merit a response?


Stupidity #7: Coworkers who send their ENGINEER colleague from Midvale (which, by the way, isn’t outside the Salt Lake Valley; it’s IN the Salt Lake Valley) to try out without hearing him sing.

Honestly, you’ve gotta wonder at the cruelty of humanity. All humanity. Those who encouraged him. Those who didn’t stop him. Those who sent him to the judges. Those who let him sing and sway on that little stage seemingly endlessly. Those who continued to exploit him by interviewing him and showing more of him. Those who just kept the camera rolling while viewers writhe in utter agony. Did he have gas? Why did he keep jabbing his fist into his left side like that? Awwww, and he thought he was good, too! You feel sorry for the guy. There’s a social disconnect there. So, you know, the show exploits it.


Stupidity #8: Superimposing a British Flag over Simon’s middle finger

That’s just an insult to our friends on the other side of the pond.


Stupidity #9: Making it blatantly obvious who’s going to be in the finale on the 2nd day of auditions. Stupid manufactured “moments”. . .

Like we don’t know that those two awkward geeky boys who “made friends in line” aren’t going to be in the finale. I don’t know how I know this. Maybe I’m psychic. Or maybe, oh, I don’t know . . . maybe it’s the friendship song montage of their hugs and smiles. Or maybe it’s the unending footage of Ryan interviewing them and talking about their “friendship.” Or maybe it’s the clips of them clumsily doing “cool secret guy handshakes.” I’m just not sure how I know.


Stupidity #10: Using hair products as weapons.

Was he going to gel him??


Stupidity #11: Doing aerobics AND sign language while you audition.

That’s jus . . . wait, what? Ohhhhhh, that’s how he sings and dances. Oh, I get it. That was his audition.

THIS IS PAINFUL!! Torturous and painful!! This is an outrage. They are exploiting the mentally deficient and the socially challenged. And they know it. Paula said, “There are troubled people here.” Troubled. They know. I’m not even being funny. I’m totally, 100% (Note to Paula: you can’t be “one million per cent” anything) serious. I worry for those poor kids. After the show. Worse yet, after it airs. Oh, those poor things—it’s just wrong. And they’ll call them BACK. And further exploit them. On the finale.

My face hurts. I don’t know of any other show (and I LOVE this show) that makes my face look grumpy and pained. I’ve found new muscles in my face tonight. We got Tivo because I love and am addicted to this show. Yet during these [superimposed British Flag] audition weeks, I can hardly wait for the green line to move all the way to the right. Then, with sweet relief, we turn off the TV, sigh in relief, and head to our computers to vent away the painful anxiety.

A few more rants, things I’ve noticed, and then the (few) good things. I’m generally a positive person. These audition shows don’t allow much in the way of focusing on the positive. It’s a quantity issue.

I find it highly irritating when the judges’ little immature games, sound effects (were they growling?), pouting, and incessant interrupting cheat contestants out of constructive feedback. I mean, do you want to be taken seriously or not? Don’t answer.

Have you noticed that when a cute boy enters the room, the camera zooms in on Paula’s expectant, happy face as she sits up taller in her seat? Have you noticed that when a cute girl enters the room, the camera zooms in on Simon’s face so we get an up close of his ogling while he chews on a pencil? Dirty old man. Sometimes I don’t like Simon.

I love when Simon utters out loud what I’m (speechlessly) thinking and I don’t even know that I’m thinking it until he says it and I think, “YES! My thoughts exactly!” (Did you follow that?) Phrases like, “What the hell was that?” or “Are you drunk?” Sometimes I really like Simon.

Did you notice that the girl with the cold drank a NON-Coke product? They had to blur out the bastards who didn’t pay for that advertising.

I liked the mother-daughter people. Like “clone people.” Or hobbits. I don’t know what else to call them. But you know exactly who I’m talking about, don’t you? They were very polite. I love that they’re still going to watch and love the show. Good on them. That was refreshing.

How many thousand try out? How many get through? Moral? Singing is a gift. Sometimes meant to be given and shared. Sometimes meant to be kept to yourself. That’s okay.

I predict that the last contestant they let through on the first day in the Emerald City (the Venezuelan guy who had Paula swooning) is going to be the cocky guy contestant this season. He is Season 6’s AJ Gil/Corey Clark/Matt Rogers/Scott Savol/Kevin Covais/Brittenum Twin. Yes, I really do remember them all. I have a BLOG about this show. I spend hours writing about it. This shouldn’t be shocking.

Who do I like? Let’s see. The Indian brother and sister are very cute—that’ll be fun to watch. That Boy Band Beat Boxer? He’s good, but not great. Thomas (the cute one with the mushroom-y hair? First one through to Hollywood? Wore a sport coat?) has a smooth voice. Like Buttah.

There, I’ve come up with a positive about the three hours I just spent watching (and then typing) about Seattle. Thank goodness next week’s shows are one hour each.

Damn. I have "Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?" in my head now.

"Treats" from Seattle

Simon saying "oh bloody hell" to one contestant, and this person not knowing if this was good or bad.

Blurring out the non Coca-Cola empire branded bottled water (although the square bottle screams out "Fuji" brand water to me--take that, recognizable white Coke stripe!) when a contestant needs a drink. (As an aside "dry throat" and "cold" excuses will NOT save face, but will prolong the air time.)

Train Wreck, I mean Twisted Train, er, whatever you said, Mr. Taylor wannabe lookalike stating, "I don't think Taylor ever gave the thumbs up like this."

A few bright spots on an otherwise dreary night.

I'm working on it, I'm working on it . . .

I haven't read anything on here tonight (yet). I'm working on my post. I'm having technical difficulties. My post might be all bolded. I think I need new glasses . . .

EDIT: Okay, weird. It's posted before this one because of the "Saved Draft" feature.

EDIT AGAIN: Never mind. I've deleted my post. Starting over. I haven't read any of your posts yet! BBL . . .

oh, Seattle, Seattle....

I admit, I didn't even watch the beginning. I can only take so many awful auditions in one night. Paula was more alive tonight. Randy wasn't quite as big of a jerk as last night, and Simon was his usual self that we love to hate.

I must say, the bad were REALLY bad this time. And Simon was REALLY rude too. I keep reminding myself this IS a reality show.
We finally convinced my sister, Missy and our friend Jen to watch AI this season. Poor Jen and Missy are traumatized. Jen called me in the middle of the Seattle show... right after (and forgive me for saying it this way, but I don't know their names) monkey boy and his friend were BEAT UP by Simon... asking WHAT IS GOING ON? THIS IS PAINFUL !!

You've gotta understand, Jen's an elementary school principal... first thing out of her mouth? I'm surprised the Americans with Disabilities people aren't up in arms over this show !!! ROTFL. She was sitting there trying to figure out the IQ of the contestants (they can't be over 80) and getting indignant over Simon ridiculing them !! "They are OBVIOUSLY special needs".. And the Utah "Unchained Melody" dude? She suspects he has Aspergers. Oh, she was too funny... I told her to skip a few audition weeks (yes, they can be somewhat painful) and stay tuned for the Hollywood round. That's when things get REALLY interesting.

So, who did I like in Seattle? Not many people at all.... the brother and sister are CUTE. I liked them both. He has a very surprising voice... didn't expect that to come out of the shy little boy (he's only 17 !!) And Jordan what's her name... sang Celine? Final 12, I predict.

Sigh, well, first week of auditions is over. What a roller coaster ride! Mostly valleys, but a few mountains too.

Minneapolis is now Purgatory. Seattle is HELL!

I knew it was coming. They warned me. And yet I watched 3 hours of crap, crammed into a 2-hour time slot, to see the 2 minutes of decent television. I never thought E=mc² could be so deviously used against me! I know many of you out there enjoy the auditions ("not that there's anything wrong with that"), but I feel like each season they're giving us less good material to watch, and making us endure more nonsense. The producers are probably thinking to themselves, "The die-hard fans will watch the show starting at its brutal beginning, finishing with its fantastic end, regardless of what we actually show, so let's put more garbage in the audition shows so we can take advantage of the huge subset of people who ONLY watch the auditions for the nonsense." Where was I when this focus group was assembled?! (I am still watching, for the record.)

So, on to my "Top 10 Things A.I. Wannabes Should Know: Seattle Edition."

10. "I've been singing since I was 3" is not a valid endorsement of your talent. I began writing on the walls at 2, and I'm still no Picasso! Starting earlier (like 2, 1, "from the womb," or "before I was born") does not improve the strength of your claims.

9. Unless your friends are Simon, Paula, or Randy, none of their opinions will wow anyone here today--none of them!

8. Telling Simon he cannot sing or "I don't see you up here" will not help you get to Hollywood. He doesn't have to sing, YOU do! And being able to recognize talentless singing is a separate ability from being able to actually sing. We all know a bad haircut, but few of us can produce a good one.

7. Please, please, PLEASE do not tell me who you sound like, even if the judges ask you, "Who do you think you sound like?" This is a TRAP! It will get you on television, but it will probably not get you through to Hollywood. If you sounded like Mariah, Whitney, Christina, Brian McKnight, or any other superstar you likely would have been discovered by now.

6. When you are denied the golden ticket, and the camera is in your face, I would encourage you not to proclaim, "You WILL see me on TV some day!" Number 1, you'll certainly be included in the "pissed-off rejects" segment. Number 2, being on the 10 O'clock news is being on TV, and not usually in the good way.

5. If you approach the judges at all, you will be apprehended by security, and you may or may not be treated to an LAPD special. Think "billy clubs." I don't care if you simply want to "style" Simon's hair. These shenanigans will not endear yourself to the hearts of America, but on the brighter side, you will most likely end up on television. Refer to #6 regarding "good" television appearances and "bad" ones.

4. Simon is prepared to give out one compliment over the two days of auditions, but Randy and Paula's juvenile behavior will prevent you from ever hearing it. I'm sorry, but dem's the breaks.

3. Day 1 will be terrible, and there will be bad press in the papers on Day 2. Bringing "attitude" and finding the need to "represent" will not help. Day 2 does not look any more promising.

2. "I AM the next American Idol," "So YOU are the next American Idol," and other similar phrases will now be officially entered into the English lexicon, referring to any person who are delusional, narcissistic, or otherwise confused about his or her actual aptitude. For example, "Mr. President, your approval ratings are at an all-time low, but you persist in your pigheaded thinking. You must think you ARE the next American Idol." These phrases will have longer staying power than previous candidates such as "You ARE the weakest link. Good-bye" for the following reasons.

--"The Weakest Link" was quickly shifted to daytime television, five days a week, for 30 minutes,
--It is now seen in syndication on the Game Show Network, and
--You people insist on yelling our catch phrases at the camera time and time again (with a little prodding I'm sure!)

1. You have probably all heard that our contracts are among the most restrictive and ridiculous in show business. Along with "our search for the next American Idol," our exploitation of all of you starts . . . NOW! (cue music) We have no pity for the ridiculous, delusional, mentally ill, or otherwise disadvantaged. Our judges will laugh at your misfortune, they will ridicule you, and they will patronize you. Your dignity will not be returned to you (especially if you try to push open the door on the left), and we reserve the right to air any and all gaffes we think will entertain the basest of human sentiments. We do not apologize for this since we are now entering our 6th season and you should know by now. With that said, we hope you do well (or not), just as long as we can fill 2 hours of air time. Cheers!

Bonus advice from the Doctor for all you Seattleites auditioning today, again, haiku style.

Emerald City
So few of you will advance
I can't stop weeping

So, I have 5 days to recover, become hopeful that there is better material yet to come, and forget that the promos for Memphis promised people dressed as Elvis, people who "sound like Elvis" but insist on "moving," not dancing, and 16,000 people who think, "I AM the next American Idol!"^TM I can't wait!

Week 1B - Seattle

They opened the show with segments seemingly with the intention of proving that Seattle is the national capital for talentless people who can't take no for an answer - even when it's yelled loudly by Simon.

Cocky, afroed Thomas apparently did some hard work over the last 3 years and did quite well with his audition. I'm not sure his style is broad enough to get through all the shows, but he'll be enjoyable to listen to while he's with us.

Blake is surely a talented beat-boxer, and could go a good distance with his regular singing. I expect to be entertained by this one, but I don't smell a winner.

Shyamali was worth a trip to Hollywood, but Simon's right about her being a bit underwhelming. Randy said it in a more constructive manner, though. I agreed that her brother, Sanjaya, has a better voice, more energy, and more potential to last.
I'll stick my neck out and say he's an early pick for the finals.

I honestly think Nicholas has a problem with his brain chemistry. His stilted speaking prior to the actual singing made it clear to me that he didn't have enough rhythm or awareness of how he sounds to carry a tune. I don't understand why they let him go on for so long, which probably gave him reason to believe he was doing well.

Rudolfo was excellent, which Paula clearly saw, thank God! Had it been Simon and Randy following his lead, with Paula absent, he probably wouldn't have gotten through. I really couldn't believe Randy even hesitated, apparently out of some influence Simon holds over him. Maybe that was a "Simon wannabe" moment. I expect him to make it to the top 24, at least.

There's simply nothing to say about Simon's insults toward Kenneth. Maybe he reacts that way to perceived delusional cockiness, which might explain why he was able to maintain civility with Jonathan, who followed. Or maybe he was just running low on meanness after blowing it all on Kenneth.

The Taylor Hicks wannabe? Not.

Anna Kearns has a good voice, but I'd like to hear something a little softer and more melodious before I give her a vote of confidence. I'm not sure what Simon was about to say, but maybe it had to do with her dancing, which, with her height, may be more of a distraction than an effective supplement. She's a bit gangly for most of the moves used by the average person.

Jordin Sparks - another 16 year old with the power of a much more mature singer. Awesome! Gave me chills, and has a perfect name for an American Idol. Definitely a finalist in the making. Simon apparently thought she was already under contract, the way he started giving her his best 'professional' advice.

Steven the Red is rumored to have stowed away on a departing Viking ship after the show...

See you next week!...

...John

"Mini"apolis

Only 17 made it through, huh? Out of 10,000? That's not too great, but what did we expect in Minneapolis?

Well I, unlike others, enjoy the auditions!!!! (Though I'm definitely ready for Hollywood by the time it finally comes along...) I love seeing the psychos, hearing the touching backstories, being surprised when something unexpectedly beautiful (or ugly for that matter!) comes out of someone's mouth... It's great!

I didn't take notes, so I don't remember much of it, but Randy was obnoxious, Simon was his usual self, Paula was more rude than normal, and Jewel seemed the nicest out of all of them. I guess that's what happens when you're a guest judge...

I can't remember the names (note to self: TAKE NOTES!), but I really like the girl with the long curly hair, the army girl was fun and I'll be looking to see what she can do, I liked the back story of the crack baby...and hmmm, I guess those are the only ones who stood out in my mind! Of course on the flip side you have the biggest AI fan, Apollo Creed, and the juggler - I cringe and turn away from the television with some of these poor people! But at the same time it's like a train wreck, your eyes are drawn back of their own volition... ;) I also thought it was so neat that the boss flew his employee out for a second audition (obviously they aren't showing them in order) and would have loved to see her get through! But she wasn't that great...darn it!!!! (And Randy and Simon were JERKS about that!)

I think I'm truly the last person to see the show now that we've moved to CA (I'm having withdrawals from my PA compadres!), and we have a very early schedule, but I'll try harder to post the day of...especially when we get down to the real stuff!

P.S. "Rapine" is a strange nickname...I'll just say that it came from my name (Robynne) being spell-checked and changed to "Rapine" (which I guess is what the spell-checker thinks Robynne should be!) by a fellow blogger :) . Now it's stuck!

Hey, John! I think you'll like this!

So, Katharine McPhee's Album comes out January 30, but I came across a "Wal-Mart Exclusive" single on their website. One of the songs on the single looks like it was cut from the album, but as a bonus, the CD comes with a fold-out poster!

Here's an article about her album I saw while looking for more info on her CD. It's interesting to hear about some of the "behind the scenes" things.

Minneapolis?

OK, so I'm NOT a Prince fan so I can say, "What the heck did they expect to find in Minneapolis?" !! I'm sure there's a reason WHY they've never been there... and it was proven to us tonight. Over 10,000 auditions, and only 17 went through to Hollywood. I'm always so curious about the others who did get the Golden Ticket -- you know, the ones WITHOUT the interesting back story? We only saw a handful of the golden ticket winners actually perform tonight. I don't think there was anyone humongously (yes, I made up my own adverb here) OUTSTANDING. I agree with John, Sara(h?) sounded mighty fine. She did have confidence and a great voice. Final 12 material? I don't know, we'll have to see what the next few weeks bring us.

I felt SO badly for the 16 year old kid who was there all alone. (yes, BO, he had a zit on his nose, but he's 16, what do you expect? I was politely not going to say anything about it. :P) He had an interesting voice, but I don't know if he's mature enough emotionally to handle it. I so hope he doesn't crack under the pressure.

Who else stood out? Denise (just cause her name is Denise, I'm sure)... I don't think she was outstanding. She has a great back story though, so hey, let's highlight her, right?

Shakira wannabe sounded SOOO much better when she wasn't trying to do Blondie... which judge said it? about the weird accent thing going on? Falsetto British with that Latin flair? GMAB !!! She's going to be this seasons annoying contestant we wish would go away... wanna bet?

OH, and Paula for her lack of contribution. What was up with her tonight? Fred says she was drunk. Allison said she must have tried some new medication. After seeing Bo's link to the clip of her interview, I'm leaning towards just plain whacked. She is SO out of it, I don't know what she was contributing in Minneapolis. She should have called in sick that day.

I actually, at first, thought we were going to see a kindlier, gentler Simon this season.. but he soon got back into form. And Randy, was just TOTALLY uncalled for with some of the contestants.

I actually appreciated Jewel's body language and her attitude of respect towards the contestants. She seemed to genuinely want to give each person the benefit of the doubt. She even tried to give a tad bit more constructive criticism than any of the other judges. AI should get rid of Paula and sign her, IMO.

All in all, it was exactly what we expected from the season premiere. Loads of crappy auditions and people you just want to shake and say "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?". I have to admit, I'm an audition-lover. It helps me feel comfortable in my own cowardice, because I can sit there smugly and be justified in NEVER, EVER taking the risk. But kudos to all those who auditioned.... ya gotta admit it takes guts.

WOW! Season 6 of AI has begun . . .

This is the 10th post today. Be sure to scroll down and read all the HILARIOUS and insightful posts. And comment, too! :)

Auditions from Hell, er, Minneapolis

It's a good thing I know how it all ends, because audition shows are awful! Is it me, or have they found new and more impressive ways to hide virtually all of the talented people and convince me that I actually enjoy watching people embarrass themselves? I will probably just copy and paste this post after each audition show to save time, but still capture the essence of A.I. auditions. These shows are a lot like preseason football games. Rest your starters so they don't get hurt, and let all the people will little to no chance of making it have a go in front of the cameras. Yeah, preseason football isn't all that great either.

OK, if I had the chance to go back in time, fly to Minneapolis, and post my "Top 10 Things A.I. Wannabes Should Know," here is what I'd say.

10. Just because you've seen every episode of American Idol, Pop Idol, Canadian Idol, Australian Idol, Shower Idol, Office Idol, or ___________ (fill in popular singing location) Idol, it doesn't mean that you are qualified to be the next American Idol--singing talent is not optional.

9. Ladies, if you haven't figured it out by now, here's your last heads-up: you'll score points with Simon with a little cleavage, and he will say things like "the public will love you" and "you look great" and "I'm sure you'll sound better in Hollywood, so I'll give you a chance." Sad, but 100% true. He's rich, famous, and a dirty old man.

8. Hey! You over there! Yeah, the one that looks like Apollo Creed. Here is what I want you to say to everyone. "If you have anything with you that you would consider a 'costume,' a 'prop,' or 'my passion in life,' then leave them at the door now. This will not enhance your chance of getting the golden ticket, and you will be made to look a fool. You will be recognized nationally, but somewhere between 'picture on a milk carton' and 'stupid human tricks' famous." Seriously. Say it.

7. Don't take anything the judges say seriously, good or bad. They change their minds frequently and their opinions are extremely unpredictable. Remember, they are T.V. personalities and not gods.

6. Do not expect Paula to say much today. The other judges hardly mention her, and she seems like she's either drunk or on some new medication regimen today. Wait until you see her interview on YouTube in a few months!

5. I'm not sure why Jewel is here, but I think it is so we can have some real drama behind that first audition of the year (Jewel is my idol. I can't believe I'm singing for you. I'll sing one of your songs to prove it. etc., etc.). You probably will not remember much of what she says today, but she is nicer than the boys.

4. One quick way to get a "no" is to sing a song made famous by a former A.I. winner or contestant. None of you will compare to Kelly, Ruben, Clay, Fantasia, Carrie, Bo, or Taylor right now. Also off limits are famous contestants such as Katherine, Chris, and Constantine. I can keep listing people to avoid imitating, but if you haven't figured it out by now you'll figure it out soon.

3. The producers have a quota of terrible auditions to fill today to make the audition show actually last 2 hours on television, so being selected to sing for the judges means you are either really good or really bad. William Hung is an anomaly, and we have new ways to prevent future stardom for mediocre talent. Just so you know, I watched all 2 hours of the show and I only remember a few people being let through. That means I watched about 1 hour and 45 minutes of bad television. Good luck!

2. Today Randy is a Simon wannabe, so he will be rude, obnoxious, mean, and make little sense much of the time. Plus, since he's American, his attitude just makes him an "angry Yank," with only half the charm of the Brit. If you want to catch up with him in another city at another audition you may have better luck.

1. If you haven't seen the show, and you are going to sing a song about people falling asleep and never waking up because you have some sort of sick vendetta against them, you will not make it, and should probably go home before you get the chance to make a fool of yourself. Although, if you do not have a broadcast television at home, you may not see how it gets shown on the air, so maybe it's not too bad after all.

Here is one last piece of advice from the Doctor for all you Minnesotans auditioning today, haiku style.

When they say good-bye,
And say, "Singing's not for you."
Please, use the RIGHT door!

I'm really excited about Seattle! On the late night shows for a while all of the Judges, and Ryan, have been talking about how bad it was. Tonight's promo doesn't make tomorrow's show sound any better. When do they get to Hollywood?

Auditions--Minneapolis, Minnesota

Holy Hell! Did I just watch 2 hours of that?! Where do I start? How about tips for people considering trying out for American Idol?

1. Watch the show (this means you, guy who lives in the woods with no TV).
2. If you're dressed like a boxer, sing like a lion, or juggle while you sing, don't audition. (Sometimes you just know before they even sing a note that they're just not going to make it to Hollywood).
3. If you're the "Biggest Fan," that doesn't mean you can sing.
4. DO NOT, under any circumstances, compare yourself to previous idols. It just makes us roll our eyes sooner.
5. If you're going to wear make up, go easy on the eyes and heavier on the nose blemish. (Did anyone else notice that on that metroish/Matt Damonish 16-year-old whose parents feel he spends too much on choir trips? Isn't that sad?)

Let's see, what else? Who did I like?

1. That Marine guy who won the idol competition on his ship.
2. The Army Reservist girl--cute, spunky, nice voice. Very cute. She looks like my sister-in-law, Emily.
3. The contestant that was born as a "crack baby" -- very cool story for her. Her name is Denise, too. :P

What didn't I like?

RANDY. This is *exactly* what I was talking about in this post. He tries to be like Simon, but he's not. He doesn't know when to stop and his cruelty is brutally worse than Simon's (admittedly often callous) honesty. He was BRUTAL to that vocal teacher. There was no reason for that. The guy wasn't half bad. Randy was WAY over the top. Rude Randy. Rude, rude.

And the girl with the nice boss? The male judges were completely inappropriate. Paula seemed sedated and Jewel seemed nice, but somewhat timid, so there were no females whipping some manners into those men (that would've been fun to watch). And then for them to insinuate the same thing to the boss?? Uncalled for. "Is your wife in Minneapolis?" Give me a break. Honestly.

Oh, oh, and how about the comment to the juggler--telling him to try out for a show called "America's got SOME talent." Rude Randy.

The judges gave next to NO constructive criticism (always a pet peeve of mine, *especially* when the contestants politely ASK for some). And the word "leave" is not helpful, Simon.

Spanish girl? Cute blonde girl? Yeah, I like them okay, but I know why Simon likes them so much. And so does anyone else watching him ogle anything curvaceous that walks in the audition room door. He makes me sick. The Spanish girl looks like his girlfriend. And his reaction to the cute 19-year-old blonde? Totally and disgustingly obvious. "I like how you did that." What does that mean? She was not bad, it's true, but what he's really saying is, "I'm sizing you up and I like how you are cute and attractive and marketable . . . oh yeah and you're not a BAD singer." Pathetic. More than pathetic. Irritating. Beyond irritating. I generally groan out loud when I see him like that. Someone blindfold the man and he won't know how to judge . . .

I like that they do guest judges during auditions rather than during the competition (though I hope they don't do that annoying thing where they feature artists just because they have a new album coming out--I mean what if they stink anyway?).

Two more rants and I'm done for tonight (remember--fun, happy, excited, AI Stacy comes out once they get to Hollywood and the competition).

Did I really just see a little Ford vehicle drive across my screen? These during-the-program promotions get on my nerves in such a big way. Like the big red Coke glasses and Stupid Ford commercials aren't bad enough.

And that promo for Seattle? Which has already been touted all over the web as being the worst city ever? Yeah, I'm not excited. I cannot believe they've chosen THAT city as part of their 2-hour premiere. Have mercy.

Week 1A - Minneapolis

So you know, I'm in AZ, and the last on the board to see the show, so I make it a point not to read others' posts prior to writing my own, so as to remain uninfluenced and impartial.

It was nice to see Ryan Seacrest hosting once again, and all the old familiar faces judging, along with Jewel.

I see that 5 seasons has failed to educate contestants as to the futility of costumes, props, delusional thinking, and pity-seeking - that covers most of the losers tonight and every night of the auditions - but there's always a few that surprise you. 16 y/o crack baby (Tina?) (no - Bo says Denise) was the first. She's got a lot of work to do to get to the finals, but has fair potential.

The appeal for help for those who forget the words, with Samuel Barber's Adagio for Strings in the background, was brilliant(!), but barely offset the suffering inherent in the torturous example which followed.

Perla is one of those with more attitude than talent, though she has enough for now. She promises to be very entertaining and, I'm guessing, controversial, before she loses.

The 'Reagan Idol' winner definitely had the advantage of having been pre-screened by his shipmates. He's a decent singer, but I don't get the feeling he'll be able to "bring it" when the time comes (watch me live to regret saying that).

Sly, manipulative Simon was pretty transparent when labelling Randy as "rude" when dressing down the vocal coach. Clearly he's anticipating being attacked for the same later in the season, and will use this to offset Randy's usual attempts to call him on it.

Young, blonde Michelle looks promising, and I can't add to what the judges said.

Matt Sato has the talent to potentially go a long way, but he'll have to work hard, and I'm wondering if this emotionally fragile fella can get past the hard-nosed negative feedback that awaits everyone on the path to winning this contest.

Rachel is appealing, and started well, but definitely went off-key fairly quickly. I have serious doubts she'll last, despite a lovely personality.

Sarah Krueger was the first to give me chills, which are very predictive in my scheme of things. Add to that her beauty and charisma, and I think she'll go all the way! Definitely my favorite so far! I would have been unable to interrupt her singing at the point the judges did, because I was in the middle of a delightful chill of thrilling energy. She's gonna make many of us tearful with joy at some point, methinks.

Josh Flom - before I hear the judges' comments - some potential as a unique rock voice, but that seems to be all he's got. Judges seem fair in giving him a second shot, and they're right in their assessment. He's so used to masking the untrained quaver of his natural voice with the gruffness, that he's lost the ability to sing normally. He would have been interesting to hear for a few more weeks, but his story wouldn't have had a happy ending.

Til next week...

...John

Who's YOUR favorite Idol?

Favorite Judge? Favorite Season? Favorite Guest? Favorite Anything Else You Want To Say? Comment here!

First Prince, now the Beatles?!

Well, not the Beatles, but reports have it that they're courting Paul McCartney (and possibly Mariah Carey) to appear on the show!
http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/TV/01/15/apontv.americanidol.ap/index.html

Was Paula Drunk?

Maybe. Maybe it was medication. Her publicist says it was neither. She was simply "tired." I suppose it could be that, too--I'm thinking that their kind of "tired" goes beyond tired to exhaustion. Either way, here's the clip:

AI Alum Scores Golden Globe Award!

This may well be some of the BIGGEST news in AI Alumni history! Jennifer Hudson (admittedly not one of my all-time favorites, but good nonetheless) has won a GOLDEN GLOBE AWARD for her role in the hit movie "Dreamgirls!" That is A-MAZING. I am in awe of this! That's even bigger than a lot of the music news that other Alum's have had. Kudos to Jennifer Hudson--what a name she's making for herself! You go, girl!

Introducing myself...

Before you begin reading my sometimes short and to the point reviews of the show, which I compose live while watching, you should probably know a little about me.

I'm an amateur composer and musician, myself, and you can listen to some of my music here:
http://music.download.com/everest/

I tend to believe I have a very good idea of what constitutes musical talent, since I play guitar, keyboards and flute, by ear. So, like Bo, I often disagree with Simon. However, since having reluctantly read Simon's book, I Don't Mean to Be Rude, But..., given to me by Bo, I now understand where he's coming from, and gotta give him props for his integrity.

Nonetheless, I listen for the ones that can move me, without making me hold my breath in fear that they'll be pitchy or forget the words. I care much less about how they look or what they wear than Simon or some other contributors here, and I tend not to defend my choices as passionately as some here. Last year I favored Katharine Mcphee through most of the finals, but I didn't yell and scream when she lost.

Aside from Simon's influence on the voting, which I often resent as much as Bo, I am disgusted with the idea of power-voting, and believe the contest would be much more exciting if each caller were allowed only one vote. It is for this reason that I've become more detached than I might otherwise be to the ultimate outcome. I simply refuse to get attached to an outcome that can be so profoundly impacted in a negative way by people who are out to screw up the results by voting for the worst candidates intentionally.

Nonetheless, I've never missed a show, and for the most part I love the way the show is produced. I absolutely love that a talented unknown can make it to the big time with a lot of commitment and hard work over a relatively short but hectic period of intense pressure - kind of like Superman making a diamond from a lump of coal...that always impressed me, too.

See you tomorrow!

The Countdown Begins!

In less than 24 hours, Season 6 of American Idol begins! I have such conflicted feelings about this--on the one hand, I am *SO* excited (just the sounds of those first few monotonous AI theme song notes can put me in a wiggly, giddy, gushing frenzy). On the other hand, we have to endure four weeks of these audition episodes before we get to the fun (well more fun anyway) stuff--the Hollywood Round.

See, this show gets better and better as it gets further into every season of competition. This fluff stuff? I enjoy the first couple weeks of it and then I'm *itching* (like. a. bad. rash.) for the REAL AI stuff. The reason I watch this show. The adrenaline I feel when one of my favorites rocks the house and the cringing I feel when one of my lesser favorites can't quite hit that note. The COMPETITION! The top 12! The theme weeks! The voting! The power dialing! The drama! The eliminations! The crowning of an Idol! THIS is why we watch this show. THIS is what we talk about around our real and/or virtual water coolers.

I know people who claim they only watch the first few weeks of AI because they "love the auditions." WHAT?! Are you kidding me?? It's sooooooooo tedious after about 2 weeks of this to sit through more auditions that make you wonder, "Did they pay that person to sound that bad?" or "Does that kid's mother seriously encourage him to try out?" Weeks of people getting bleeped as they mouth off to the judges or the cameramen or that weird little sounding room where they proclaim with indignant pomposity, "I AM the next American Idol!"

By week 3, I'm starting to twitch. And not in the good way. In the very, very impatient way where I'm slowly starting to writhe and cry out, "Please, 19 Entertainment, PLEASE, for the love of all that is lovely, PLEASE get on with it. We wait patiently from May until January for this frenzy to begin and you torture us for WEEKS until we can actually get to the GOOD stuff. PLEASE no more William Hungs, no more!"

I try to not get annoyed when by week 4 I hear people cheerily (and usually nasally) say, "Aren't these audition weeks the best?!" I restrain myself from slapping them when they say, "I don't even watch after the auditions are over." And Mark generally holds me back from pummeling them to the ground when they say, "I wish they'd do more weeks of auditions and less of the other stuff."

See, this goes beyond addiction. This is an OBSESSION for me. An obsession. I don't answer the phone on Tuesdays or Wednesdays. And when people DO call, I generally curse them for not having their priorities straight. Like I'm seriously going to agree to talk in church when you call me at 8:30 on a Tuesday on Disco night! I don't think so.

And while the obsession steadily grows throughout the season, once we're in the top 24 (and have mercy when we're doing the top 12), I am a total AI fanatic. Fanatic. I talk about it. I read about it. I write about it. I've started this blog, for crying out loud!

I get passionate about those I feel should win (though I'd say that so far, only 2 of my favorites have won). Had America voted more sensibly, the list of winners would look like this:

1. Kelly
2. Clay
3. Fantasia
4. Bo (or Constantine)
5. ELLIOTT!

I get passionate about those who should be booted, too. I hold back NOTHING. I am AI opinionated and have started a blog as my AI soapbox. I have opinions. Drunk, on medication, whatever, I happen to like Paula. Randy is okay, but Randy-trying-to-be-Simon drives me up a wall. Simon? It depends. Generally, I think that musically, Randy and Paula are more spot on than Mr. Cowell. All Simon sees is image. And when he tries to pretend he knows what he's talking about musically, I want to hurl things. Not just at him. But at EVERY MORON IN AMERICA who votes based on what he says. He's like a grand puppeteer. And those morons are moron puppets.

I think I've gotten off topic . . .

Hollywood! Yes, Hollywood. Drama week. Hell week. Whatever they call it. I like it. It's a million times better than auditions. The auditions I watch just the same because heaven forbid you miss a single minute of this show. And, of course, so I can already start forming my opinions and choosing my favorites and think back on the auditions as my favorites continue onward.

And then it's the TOP 24!! And it gets EVEN better. Why? Have you not been paying attention?! Because the competition begins! Live! And because they keep getting better and better contestants (wasn't Season 5 like the BEST ever . . . so far?), the top 24 gets more unnerving each week. (Remember that time they didn't pick Nikko?? And then Mario Vasquez dropped out and Nikko got called back? Yeah, that was awesome. Until the MORONS didn't vote him through after Broadway night! Argh.) Anyway . . . what was I saying? Oh! Competition! Yes.

So, the top 24. Boy, those weeks are great. And then . . . AND THEN . . . AND THEN . . . TOP 12! And theme nights! And the big stage! And the loud band! And I go into full blown CRAZY over this show. I watch. I talk. I rant. I laugh. I cry. I cheer. I write. I blog. I *love* this show. And I love having friends who are crazy enough to admit that they do, too. Let Season 6 begin!!

Oh, here's the schedule (remember, we *love* finding and posting gossip as well as fun reviews--so CHECK HERE OFTEN!):

Tuesday, Jan. 16 (8:00-10:00 PM) Season Premiere, Part 1 Minneapolis Auditions
Wednesday, Jan. 17 (8:00-10:00 PM) Season Premiere, Part 2 Seattle Auditions
Tuesday, Jan. 23 (8:00-9:00 PM) Memphis Auditions
Wednesday, Jan. 24 (9:00-10:00 PM) New York City Auditions
Tuesday, Jan. 30 (8:00-9:00 PM) Birmingham Auditions
Wednesday, Jan. 31 (9:00-10:00 PM) San Antonio Auditions
Tuesday, Feb. 6 (8:00-9:00 PM) Los Angeles Auditions
Wednesday, Feb. 7 (9:00-10:00 PM) Rest of the Best Auditions
Tuesday, Feb. 13 (8:00-9:00 PM) Hollywood Round, Part 1
Wednesday, Feb. 14 (9:00-10:00 PM) Hollywood Round, Part 2 Top 24 Semifinalists Announced
Tuesday, Feb. 20 (8:00-10:00 PM) Top 12 Male Singers Perform
Wednesday, Feb. 21 (8:00-10:00 PM) Top 12 Female Singers Perform
Thursday, Feb. 22 (8:00-9:00 PM) First Results Show (Live ET/Tape-Delayed PT) Two Male and Two Female Contestants Voted Off
Tuesday, Feb. 27 (8:00-9:30 PM) Top 10 Male Singers Perform
Wednesday, Feb. 28 (8:00-9:30 PM) Top 10 Female Singers Perform
Thursday, March 1 (8:00-9:00 PM) Results Show (Live ET/Tape-Delayed PT) Two Male and Two Female Contestants Voted Off
Tuesday, March 6 (8:00-9:00 PM) Top 8 Male Singers Perform
Wednesday, March 7 (8:00-9:00 PM) Top 8 Female Singers Perform
Thursday, March 8 (8:00-9:00 PM) Results Show (Live ET/Tape-Delayed PT) Two Male and Two Female Contestants Voted Off; Top 12 Finalists Revealed
Tuesday, March 13 (8:00-10:00 PM) Top 12 Finalists Perform
Wednesday, March 14 (9:00-9:30 PM) Results Show (Live ET/Tape-Delayed PT) One Contestant Voted Off . . .