Kurt Cobain took all the talent with him

So here we are sitting down to enjoy another evening of people who should never sing. The show opens with another lame shot of the city backdrop and an annoying Seacrest comment about the screaming of the locals. A few more of those shots would have been more interesting then the two tortursome hours of untalented hacks parading in front of the triumverate of weirdness. Let's start on the triumverate, what the hell is wrong with Paula? At one point she actually said, "Hold on to your dreams becaue they will get you something someday". I think she's taking animal tranquilizers, she's even more incoherent then the last few seasons. On to Randy, appearently he's starting to wear down under the pressure of 200k or so really horrible singers. He's gotten rude and nasty and apeparently is trying to take some of Simon's press and airtime. Simon is Simon, he hasn't changed but you can see the shock in his eyes as some people come through the doors. I did think it was a little girlie on his part not to at least stand up as Taylor Hicks wannabe rushed him with hair gel. Before I end this section....perhaps a new do wouldn't hurt, I mean he does look like he combs his hair with buttered toast.

I'm sure by now you are wondering about Kenny and Cartman up there, well to be honest it was the first thing I thought of when Kenneth Briggs and Jonathan Jayne first stepped into our lives. Simon called poor Ken a bush baby and the hard part of that is that it's completely true. But as soon as I hear Jonathan sing, I knew we had found the real life Kenny and Cartman. Take a quick listen to Cartman singing "Come Sail Away" and tell me you don't hear the obvious connection. Now Kenny doesn't really speak but he sure does look like Kenneth.

I'm just basically scared at this point, 16, 000 people in Minnesota yeilded 17 contestants, 10,000 people in Seattle yielded only 14, this basically .13%, not 1.3...that would be 130 people. Less then one percent of the state had any talent. Now, before anyone accuses me of not being a singer, or being brave enough to audition, I know I can't sing, and now I know 99.87% of Seattle can't either.

C'mon people, when your husband says don't waste your time, stay home. Spend some quality time looking in the mirror, do you look ridiculous? Are you sure you don't? Check one more time, a lot of ridiculous people showed up. Check with friends and relatives, and if Randy, Paula and Simon say NO, this is probably two bits of bad news for you.
1. You can't sing
2. Your friends and family are either too scared to tell you, think it's funny to not tell you, or are coddling you like an idiot.
Any way you slice it, that's going to really change your future thoughts about them isn't it?

I'm begging you Memphis, do not blashpheme the King, do not show up in Gold Lame jackets or black leather suits. No polyester jumpsuits with belts that used to be a rear bumper for a Pontiac Bonneville. Just show up in your regular clothes, sing like yourself, and then leave when they give you an answer.

My last thoughts for you Memphis folks, don't sing any of the judges songs, don't sing their favorite songs, and certainly don't try to style Simon's hair.