Auditions--Minneapolis, Minnesota

Holy Hell! Did I just watch 2 hours of that?! Where do I start? How about tips for people considering trying out for American Idol?

1. Watch the show (this means you, guy who lives in the woods with no TV).
2. If you're dressed like a boxer, sing like a lion, or juggle while you sing, don't audition. (Sometimes you just know before they even sing a note that they're just not going to make it to Hollywood).
3. If you're the "Biggest Fan," that doesn't mean you can sing.
4. DO NOT, under any circumstances, compare yourself to previous idols. It just makes us roll our eyes sooner.
5. If you're going to wear make up, go easy on the eyes and heavier on the nose blemish. (Did anyone else notice that on that metroish/Matt Damonish 16-year-old whose parents feel he spends too much on choir trips? Isn't that sad?)

Let's see, what else? Who did I like?

1. That Marine guy who won the idol competition on his ship.
2. The Army Reservist girl--cute, spunky, nice voice. Very cute. She looks like my sister-in-law, Emily.
3. The contestant that was born as a "crack baby" -- very cool story for her. Her name is Denise, too. :P

What didn't I like?

RANDY. This is *exactly* what I was talking about in this post. He tries to be like Simon, but he's not. He doesn't know when to stop and his cruelty is brutally worse than Simon's (admittedly often callous) honesty. He was BRUTAL to that vocal teacher. There was no reason for that. The guy wasn't half bad. Randy was WAY over the top. Rude Randy. Rude, rude.

And the girl with the nice boss? The male judges were completely inappropriate. Paula seemed sedated and Jewel seemed nice, but somewhat timid, so there were no females whipping some manners into those men (that would've been fun to watch). And then for them to insinuate the same thing to the boss?? Uncalled for. "Is your wife in Minneapolis?" Give me a break. Honestly.

Oh, oh, and how about the comment to the juggler--telling him to try out for a show called "America's got SOME talent." Rude Randy.

The judges gave next to NO constructive criticism (always a pet peeve of mine, *especially* when the contestants politely ASK for some). And the word "leave" is not helpful, Simon.

Spanish girl? Cute blonde girl? Yeah, I like them okay, but I know why Simon likes them so much. And so does anyone else watching him ogle anything curvaceous that walks in the audition room door. He makes me sick. The Spanish girl looks like his girlfriend. And his reaction to the cute 19-year-old blonde? Totally and disgustingly obvious. "I like how you did that." What does that mean? She was not bad, it's true, but what he's really saying is, "I'm sizing you up and I like how you are cute and attractive and marketable . . . oh yeah and you're not a BAD singer." Pathetic. More than pathetic. Irritating. Beyond irritating. I generally groan out loud when I see him like that. Someone blindfold the man and he won't know how to judge . . .

I like that they do guest judges during auditions rather than during the competition (though I hope they don't do that annoying thing where they feature artists just because they have a new album coming out--I mean what if they stink anyway?).

Two more rants and I'm done for tonight (remember--fun, happy, excited, AI Stacy comes out once they get to Hollywood and the competition).

Did I really just see a little Ford vehicle drive across my screen? These during-the-program promotions get on my nerves in such a big way. Like the big red Coke glasses and Stupid Ford commercials aren't bad enough.

And that promo for Seattle? Which has already been touted all over the web as being the worst city ever? Yeah, I'm not excited. I cannot believe they've chosen THAT city as part of their 2-hour premiere. Have mercy.