"Mini"apolis

Only 17 made it through, huh? Out of 10,000? That's not too great, but what did we expect in Minneapolis?

Well I, unlike others, enjoy the auditions!!!! (Though I'm definitely ready for Hollywood by the time it finally comes along...) I love seeing the psychos, hearing the touching backstories, being surprised when something unexpectedly beautiful (or ugly for that matter!) comes out of someone's mouth... It's great!

I didn't take notes, so I don't remember much of it, but Randy was obnoxious, Simon was his usual self, Paula was more rude than normal, and Jewel seemed the nicest out of all of them. I guess that's what happens when you're a guest judge...

I can't remember the names (note to self: TAKE NOTES!), but I really like the girl with the long curly hair, the army girl was fun and I'll be looking to see what she can do, I liked the back story of the crack baby...and hmmm, I guess those are the only ones who stood out in my mind! Of course on the flip side you have the biggest AI fan, Apollo Creed, and the juggler - I cringe and turn away from the television with some of these poor people! But at the same time it's like a train wreck, your eyes are drawn back of their own volition... ;) I also thought it was so neat that the boss flew his employee out for a second audition (obviously they aren't showing them in order) and would have loved to see her get through! But she wasn't that great...darn it!!!! (And Randy and Simon were JERKS about that!)

I think I'm truly the last person to see the show now that we've moved to CA (I'm having withdrawals from my PA compadres!), and we have a very early schedule, but I'll try harder to post the day of...especially when we get down to the real stuff!

P.S. "Rapine" is a strange nickname...I'll just say that it came from my name (Robynne) being spell-checked and changed to "Rapine" (which I guess is what the spell-checker thinks Robynne should be!) by a fellow blogger :) . Now it's stuck!

Minneapolis?

OK, so I'm NOT a Prince fan so I can say, "What the heck did they expect to find in Minneapolis?" !! I'm sure there's a reason WHY they've never been there... and it was proven to us tonight. Over 10,000 auditions, and only 17 went through to Hollywood. I'm always so curious about the others who did get the Golden Ticket -- you know, the ones WITHOUT the interesting back story? We only saw a handful of the golden ticket winners actually perform tonight. I don't think there was anyone humongously (yes, I made up my own adverb here) OUTSTANDING. I agree with John, Sara(h?) sounded mighty fine. She did have confidence and a great voice. Final 12 material? I don't know, we'll have to see what the next few weeks bring us.

I felt SO badly for the 16 year old kid who was there all alone. (yes, BO, he had a zit on his nose, but he's 16, what do you expect? I was politely not going to say anything about it. :P) He had an interesting voice, but I don't know if he's mature enough emotionally to handle it. I so hope he doesn't crack under the pressure.

Who else stood out? Denise (just cause her name is Denise, I'm sure)... I don't think she was outstanding. She has a great back story though, so hey, let's highlight her, right?

Shakira wannabe sounded SOOO much better when she wasn't trying to do Blondie... which judge said it? about the weird accent thing going on? Falsetto British with that Latin flair? GMAB !!! She's going to be this seasons annoying contestant we wish would go away... wanna bet?

OH, and Paula for her lack of contribution. What was up with her tonight? Fred says she was drunk. Allison said she must have tried some new medication. After seeing Bo's link to the clip of her interview, I'm leaning towards just plain whacked. She is SO out of it, I don't know what she was contributing in Minneapolis. She should have called in sick that day.

I actually, at first, thought we were going to see a kindlier, gentler Simon this season.. but he soon got back into form. And Randy, was just TOTALLY uncalled for with some of the contestants.

I actually appreciated Jewel's body language and her attitude of respect towards the contestants. She seemed to genuinely want to give each person the benefit of the doubt. She even tried to give a tad bit more constructive criticism than any of the other judges. AI should get rid of Paula and sign her, IMO.

All in all, it was exactly what we expected from the season premiere. Loads of crappy auditions and people you just want to shake and say "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?". I have to admit, I'm an audition-lover. It helps me feel comfortable in my own cowardice, because I can sit there smugly and be justified in NEVER, EVER taking the risk. But kudos to all those who auditioned.... ya gotta admit it takes guts.

Auditions from Hell, er, Minneapolis

It's a good thing I know how it all ends, because audition shows are awful! Is it me, or have they found new and more impressive ways to hide virtually all of the talented people and convince me that I actually enjoy watching people embarrass themselves? I will probably just copy and paste this post after each audition show to save time, but still capture the essence of A.I. auditions. These shows are a lot like preseason football games. Rest your starters so they don't get hurt, and let all the people will little to no chance of making it have a go in front of the cameras. Yeah, preseason football isn't all that great either.

OK, if I had the chance to go back in time, fly to Minneapolis, and post my "Top 10 Things A.I. Wannabes Should Know," here is what I'd say.

10. Just because you've seen every episode of American Idol, Pop Idol, Canadian Idol, Australian Idol, Shower Idol, Office Idol, or ___________ (fill in popular singing location) Idol, it doesn't mean that you are qualified to be the next American Idol--singing talent is not optional.

9. Ladies, if you haven't figured it out by now, here's your last heads-up: you'll score points with Simon with a little cleavage, and he will say things like "the public will love you" and "you look great" and "I'm sure you'll sound better in Hollywood, so I'll give you a chance." Sad, but 100% true. He's rich, famous, and a dirty old man.

8. Hey! You over there! Yeah, the one that looks like Apollo Creed. Here is what I want you to say to everyone. "If you have anything with you that you would consider a 'costume,' a 'prop,' or 'my passion in life,' then leave them at the door now. This will not enhance your chance of getting the golden ticket, and you will be made to look a fool. You will be recognized nationally, but somewhere between 'picture on a milk carton' and 'stupid human tricks' famous." Seriously. Say it.

7. Don't take anything the judges say seriously, good or bad. They change their minds frequently and their opinions are extremely unpredictable. Remember, they are T.V. personalities and not gods.

6. Do not expect Paula to say much today. The other judges hardly mention her, and she seems like she's either drunk or on some new medication regimen today. Wait until you see her interview on YouTube in a few months!

5. I'm not sure why Jewel is here, but I think it is so we can have some real drama behind that first audition of the year (Jewel is my idol. I can't believe I'm singing for you. I'll sing one of your songs to prove it. etc., etc.). You probably will not remember much of what she says today, but she is nicer than the boys.

4. One quick way to get a "no" is to sing a song made famous by a former A.I. winner or contestant. None of you will compare to Kelly, Ruben, Clay, Fantasia, Carrie, Bo, or Taylor right now. Also off limits are famous contestants such as Katherine, Chris, and Constantine. I can keep listing people to avoid imitating, but if you haven't figured it out by now you'll figure it out soon.

3. The producers have a quota of terrible auditions to fill today to make the audition show actually last 2 hours on television, so being selected to sing for the judges means you are either really good or really bad. William Hung is an anomaly, and we have new ways to prevent future stardom for mediocre talent. Just so you know, I watched all 2 hours of the show and I only remember a few people being let through. That means I watched about 1 hour and 45 minutes of bad television. Good luck!

2. Today Randy is a Simon wannabe, so he will be rude, obnoxious, mean, and make little sense much of the time. Plus, since he's American, his attitude just makes him an "angry Yank," with only half the charm of the Brit. If you want to catch up with him in another city at another audition you may have better luck.

1. If you haven't seen the show, and you are going to sing a song about people falling asleep and never waking up because you have some sort of sick vendetta against them, you will not make it, and should probably go home before you get the chance to make a fool of yourself. Although, if you do not have a broadcast television at home, you may not see how it gets shown on the air, so maybe it's not too bad after all.

Here is one last piece of advice from the Doctor for all you Minnesotans auditioning today, haiku style.

When they say good-bye,
And say, "Singing's not for you."
Please, use the RIGHT door!

I'm really excited about Seattle! On the late night shows for a while all of the Judges, and Ryan, have been talking about how bad it was. Tonight's promo doesn't make tomorrow's show sound any better. When do they get to Hollywood?

Auditions--Minneapolis, Minnesota

Holy Hell! Did I just watch 2 hours of that?! Where do I start? How about tips for people considering trying out for American Idol?

1. Watch the show (this means you, guy who lives in the woods with no TV).
2. If you're dressed like a boxer, sing like a lion, or juggle while you sing, don't audition. (Sometimes you just know before they even sing a note that they're just not going to make it to Hollywood).
3. If you're the "Biggest Fan," that doesn't mean you can sing.
4. DO NOT, under any circumstances, compare yourself to previous idols. It just makes us roll our eyes sooner.
5. If you're going to wear make up, go easy on the eyes and heavier on the nose blemish. (Did anyone else notice that on that metroish/Matt Damonish 16-year-old whose parents feel he spends too much on choir trips? Isn't that sad?)

Let's see, what else? Who did I like?

1. That Marine guy who won the idol competition on his ship.
2. The Army Reservist girl--cute, spunky, nice voice. Very cute. She looks like my sister-in-law, Emily.
3. The contestant that was born as a "crack baby" -- very cool story for her. Her name is Denise, too. :P

What didn't I like?

RANDY. This is *exactly* what I was talking about in this post. He tries to be like Simon, but he's not. He doesn't know when to stop and his cruelty is brutally worse than Simon's (admittedly often callous) honesty. He was BRUTAL to that vocal teacher. There was no reason for that. The guy wasn't half bad. Randy was WAY over the top. Rude Randy. Rude, rude.

And the girl with the nice boss? The male judges were completely inappropriate. Paula seemed sedated and Jewel seemed nice, but somewhat timid, so there were no females whipping some manners into those men (that would've been fun to watch). And then for them to insinuate the same thing to the boss?? Uncalled for. "Is your wife in Minneapolis?" Give me a break. Honestly.

Oh, oh, and how about the comment to the juggler--telling him to try out for a show called "America's got SOME talent." Rude Randy.

The judges gave next to NO constructive criticism (always a pet peeve of mine, *especially* when the contestants politely ASK for some). And the word "leave" is not helpful, Simon.

Spanish girl? Cute blonde girl? Yeah, I like them okay, but I know why Simon likes them so much. And so does anyone else watching him ogle anything curvaceous that walks in the audition room door. He makes me sick. The Spanish girl looks like his girlfriend. And his reaction to the cute 19-year-old blonde? Totally and disgustingly obvious. "I like how you did that." What does that mean? She was not bad, it's true, but what he's really saying is, "I'm sizing you up and I like how you are cute and attractive and marketable . . . oh yeah and you're not a BAD singer." Pathetic. More than pathetic. Irritating. Beyond irritating. I generally groan out loud when I see him like that. Someone blindfold the man and he won't know how to judge . . .

I like that they do guest judges during auditions rather than during the competition (though I hope they don't do that annoying thing where they feature artists just because they have a new album coming out--I mean what if they stink anyway?).

Two more rants and I'm done for tonight (remember--fun, happy, excited, AI Stacy comes out once they get to Hollywood and the competition).

Did I really just see a little Ford vehicle drive across my screen? These during-the-program promotions get on my nerves in such a big way. Like the big red Coke glasses and Stupid Ford commercials aren't bad enough.

And that promo for Seattle? Which has already been touted all over the web as being the worst city ever? Yeah, I'm not excited. I cannot believe they've chosen THAT city as part of their 2-hour premiere. Have mercy.

Week 1A - Minneapolis

So you know, I'm in AZ, and the last on the board to see the show, so I make it a point not to read others' posts prior to writing my own, so as to remain uninfluenced and impartial.

It was nice to see Ryan Seacrest hosting once again, and all the old familiar faces judging, along with Jewel.

I see that 5 seasons has failed to educate contestants as to the futility of costumes, props, delusional thinking, and pity-seeking - that covers most of the losers tonight and every night of the auditions - but there's always a few that surprise you. 16 y/o crack baby (Tina?) (no - Bo says Denise) was the first. She's got a lot of work to do to get to the finals, but has fair potential.

The appeal for help for those who forget the words, with Samuel Barber's Adagio for Strings in the background, was brilliant(!), but barely offset the suffering inherent in the torturous example which followed.

Perla is one of those with more attitude than talent, though she has enough for now. She promises to be very entertaining and, I'm guessing, controversial, before she loses.

The 'Reagan Idol' winner definitely had the advantage of having been pre-screened by his shipmates. He's a decent singer, but I don't get the feeling he'll be able to "bring it" when the time comes (watch me live to regret saying that).

Sly, manipulative Simon was pretty transparent when labelling Randy as "rude" when dressing down the vocal coach. Clearly he's anticipating being attacked for the same later in the season, and will use this to offset Randy's usual attempts to call him on it.

Young, blonde Michelle looks promising, and I can't add to what the judges said.

Matt Sato has the talent to potentially go a long way, but he'll have to work hard, and I'm wondering if this emotionally fragile fella can get past the hard-nosed negative feedback that awaits everyone on the path to winning this contest.

Rachel is appealing, and started well, but definitely went off-key fairly quickly. I have serious doubts she'll last, despite a lovely personality.

Sarah Krueger was the first to give me chills, which are very predictive in my scheme of things. Add to that her beauty and charisma, and I think she'll go all the way! Definitely my favorite so far! I would have been unable to interrupt her singing at the point the judges did, because I was in the middle of a delightful chill of thrilling energy. She's gonna make many of us tearful with joy at some point, methinks.

Josh Flom - before I hear the judges' comments - some potential as a unique rock voice, but that seems to be all he's got. Judges seem fair in giving him a second shot, and they're right in their assessment. He's so used to masking the untrained quaver of his natural voice with the gruffness, that he's lost the ability to sing normally. He would have been interesting to hear for a few more weeks, but his story wouldn't have had a happy ending.

Til next week...

...John