What I'd Like, But What I Will (Vol 3.)

We've made it to the final week of screening auditions and my last chance to really complain about those terrible auditions. This week should be pretty good since we have the San Antonio auditions on Tuesday and a "Best of the Rest" show on Wednesday. Maybe Reason #1 in my last Idol Chatter wasn't too bad!

So, here we go with my third installment.

What I'd Like

1. Do I even bother? In a break from tradition, NO ONE dressed is crazy costumes or claiming to be the long-lost cousin/sibling/dog walker/stalker of any famous singer (especially Brian McKnight or any "diva") will be allowed to audition before the judges.

2. Instead of ogling scantily-clad female contestants and then asking Randy to support his decision to allow sub par talent to Hollywood, Simon will turn to Paula and ask, "As a woman, are you offended that I so obviously value 'marketability,' er, sex appeal, above talent in these cases?"

3. At the end of the San Antonio show, Ryan will think his mike is turned off, and he will be heard to say, "I'm so glad that's over! Can I stop being nice now? Why do I have to talk to all of these crazy people?!"

What I Will

1. Unfortunately, watching commercials for "House" or "Prison Break" or "24" or some similar "action/drama on adrenaline" type of program on high speed while I fast forward my Tivo will be infinitely more enjoyable than most of the auditions.

2. I will be spared the privilege of seeing quality auditions in San Antonio, but then treated to snippets of the "best of the rest" on Wednesday, still wondering where the "real" talent is.

3. San Antonio will bring us many "bigger in Texas" references, whether it be hats, talent, insanity, mouths, or obscene gestures. Many of these will never make it to the air over concerns over losing A.I.'s TV-PG rating.

So there it is. Let's see where I get it right (or more likely wrong) this week. Enjoy the insanity! It's almost over!