Saint Anthony, Saint Anthony

Everything's bigger in Texas. Well, as much as I've griped about audition shows, I must say that THIS one got BIG laughs out of me and has been my favorite so far. I haven't laughed this hard during an American Idol show in I don't know how long. Thank you, San Antonio!

So, Wedding Singer Haley Scarnato started us off. Of course, breaking with tradition, they have her walk up and shake hands with the judges. Why? Because they decided to show some good southern manners? No! That was clear when those two full-of-themselves buffoons couldn't contain their laughter during most of the auditions. Everyone who's always criticizing Paula needs to think long and hard about their opinions. She is the only one with class and couth. I like Paula. Those men get positively giddy when they're wrapping up their audition tour. Just in time to get grumpy for Hollywood. But I digress. Why did they have Haley walk up to the judges' table? So we could see Simon ogle the low-cut back of her black pantsuit on her way back to the wooden stage. Dirty old man. And then she sang and when she was done, he couldn't take it anymore and actually said, "Off you go!" so he could ogle her again!

Why did Randy have to think about whether or not to let her through after Simon and Paula had already said yes? What was there to think about? Even a no wouldn't have stopped her from getting a golden ticket, Dawg.

Two stupid things to do in an audition:

1. Walk in frowning.
2. Not sing well.

Two stupid things to say in an audition (boy, these are old):

1. "You're entitled to your opinion." I mean, really. No one has anything more original than that by now?
2. "What do YOU do?" Uh, honey I think he's a judge on American Idol. How did you not know that?

But then again, maybe she's right. And maybe Simon really should go back to British.

Moving on.

Baylie Brown. City girl stuck in the country town of Krum, TX. Ain't it sweet that she gets to go to the big city. She cute and commercial with a capital "C." I know they say that's a good thing, but it always seems like a very shallow NOT good thing to me. She does have a good name, I agree. Heck, Paula wants to change her name to Baylie. And she sounds better than Kellie Pickler.

Randy paused AGAIN! Why? He's not used to that 3rd spot. Apparently when Simon has jet lag he has to sit in Randy's chair?

And would it kill them to put a damn sign on the door? Cute clip. I love it.

Okay, so the funny parts are coming up. Starting with the cousins. I love them! William Green (ha!), the trash-talking Hulk. We watched that THREE times, laughing out loud every time. Now why don't they show more of that and less stupid stuff? THAT was priceless. And the Hulk's cousin, Akron Watson. Wow! I'm so glad they let him through. He's cute, sings well, and is a lot more fun than they saw right away. We like the cousins.

Music teacher Sandie Chavez. Yikes. I'm not going to say anything more than, "Read Mark's post." From his comments during her performance, I'm sure he's got something good to share.

Ashlyn Carr. She is REALLY pretty! And she sounds good! Awwww, I wish they'd give her that advice and put her through. Too bad. Oh wait! Oh good! She's through! So aside from her being let through to Hollywood (and I love that they chased her down and gave her a second chance--I disliked Simon's puppe . . . I mean Randy's stupid switch up with her. Oh, look at that. He likes her now. What a shocker.), my FAVORITE part of her audition and my BIGGEST laugh of the show (and oh, how I wish I could post a clip) was when Simon sat back in his chair and rubbed his breasts over and over again while he said, "You have some very, very bad habits." ROTFL! That scene right there is every blogger's dream. Yes, Ashlyn, you sometimes scrunch up your nose and smile when you sing (rub, rub, rub). I, on the other hand, don't EVER do that (rub, rub, rub). You've really got to work on those bad habits (rub, rub, rub). It's distracting (rub, rub, rub). ROTFL! I wonder if she was uncomfortable. I would've been if I hadn't been laughing so hard and rewinding to see if I really had seen what I thought I had. Yep. Rub, rub, rub. Yes indeed.

I found Jacob Tutor (the "snake") completely disturbing in that little room where they like to videotape them talking and dancing. Yikes. I had a visceral reaction. Total nausea. I don't remember much of his singing . . . something about dark hallways or bedrooms? And all the judges can (Blue American Idol Sign) *$#%@*) @#)$*@#)$* @#$*&%$.

Jimmy McNeal is a "fun, little Ruben when he used to smile." Yes, Cupid, fling your arrow. Nice job, Jimmy.

And tomorrow. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. "Best of the Rest" to me would indicate GOOD auditions. Great maybe. But apparently we have to mire through more crap garbage to hear the good stuff. Wouldn't it be fun if this year they were to profile, at least in part, everyone who's going to Hollywood and then on further? Sigh. Tune in tomorrow for more good and torturous auditions. I can hardly wait.