Top 12 Guys

Top 12 Guys

Let's begin, shall we?

Rudy Cardenas- Oh, it sucks to be first. And wearing a bullseye on your shirt? That just doesn't necessarily send the "on the mark" message. Concentric circles. Several of them. Where might the arrow land? Oh, poor Rudy. Urgh, but I feel for him. What's he saying? Freedom? Free ride? Oh wait, fee ride? So it does cost? Feline? What? I have no idea. What's with the Clay Aiken hip action?

Well the judges are at it. First contestant and Simon's already interrupting. Though I do have to say that it's more than a little stupid to diss Simon in your pre-performance interview. Simon was already chomping at the bit. You could tell the way he rubbed his stretched lips with his finger as if it were chapstick itself. And then when Ryan asks and Rudy responds with "I had fun. I had a good time." Oh Rudy. That's usually a farewell speech. At least you won't be alone. Perhaps a barefoot companion will join you. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Is Ryan wearing lifts in his shoes??

Brandon Rogers- So long as Magistra is going to Studio 60 this, he can be Simon and Leslie can be Harriet. Aww, how balanced is that? This man is good with the camera. Of course we already knew that from Hollywood. He wants to "Rock Witch You." I'm not sure what that means. It was a little too low energy for me. It's like he'd taken a sedative. Or maybe I had. White belt. White shoes. He's not supposed to be wearing white, right? Labor Day or something? Someone wasn't talking to these boys before they hit the stage. No one told him that only half his shirt was tucked in. Or half wasn't tucked in. I'm not sure which is right. There was such a mix tonight. This wasn't nearly as bad as the flipped up polo collar. But I'm getting ahead of myself again.

It's not ever good when Paula starts breaking out the "hopefully people will remember your previous performances" speech. I mean, we JUST started. He'll be safe if just for his connections in the industry. Simon's chatty tonight, isn't he! But at least it's constructive.

Sundance Head- Unfortunately, I'm bored with him already. "Nights in White Satin?" Brave song, don't you think? And those hideous backgrounds. I think that WAS white satin! This was more than karaoke for me, dawg. This was worse than Nick Andopolis singing "Lady L" on "Freaks and Geeks" (and I *love* that scene). Oh, it was off. Badly. And he's wearing white shoes, too! I bet the girls put them all up to these things. Oh yeah, wear white shoes. Oooh ooh and a white belt. Chicks think that's hot. Oh, flip your collar up. But just on one side. Yeah, that's right. The girls will go crazy and like totally vote for you. And Sundance Head totally loves YOW, though I have no idea who that is. Perhaps his wife is Asian. He's sporting a mohawk, too, in case you missed it. In the back. Totally distracting profile. Like a chick's (as in a baby chicken this time) butt behind his head. It was rough, dude. And off.

The judges were on opposite sides of the criticism spectrum with Randy on the left and Simon on the right. Like this:

"Bring back the blues, Dawg!" -------------------(British pouty accent) "I didn't like you tonight!"

So, I'm not wowed yet. And a favorite alum is going to be on the show with exciting news?! Is Clay going to formally announce that he's out of the closet? Maybe Corey Clark will show up to say that Paula is the mother of his baby to promote his new single, "I'm a Big Daddy and Paula's the Momma and if you didn't believe me before, hear me now because I'm here to say that she called me on my cell phone and I have a bottle of pills with a label I made, I mean, with her name on it." Maybe Jennifer Hudson will show up to tell Simon to kiss her Golden Globe behind. Oh sweet justice.

Paul Kim- "Careless Whisper?" Careless song choice. Pitchy doesn't begin to explain those sounds. He might have to put on his shoes to catch that bus. That was the worst so far. On the bright side, maybe Sundance and Rudy will be safe.

The judges have got to be cringing. After all, they're the ones who've chosen this group. They say it's up to America, but see, we would've kept Marisa and Jenry and that Brokeback Mountain cowboy. Yes, America judges the judges tonight, too. And we say, "Bad, judges. Bad." Bleh.

And take note, y'all. Whenever Randy breaks out with "Paul Kim, Paul Kim, Paul Kim" or any other nomenclature three times in a row, it's not a good sign. That and when he starts off with a question like "What's going down, Dawg?" That's when you cringe because you know he's going to slam them nicely or not. And he did both tonight with Paul Kim, Paul Kim, Paul Kim. Not that we didn't already know that was oh. so. bad. Ugh. Maybe it'll be a girl idol after all! Eek, and Paula's asking how he's doing, too. Not good. More reminders from Pauler to recall earlier auditions. Yeah, I don't think so. Who knows. He IS representing Asians as he said in his audition interview. Maybe there's a big voting contingency. Look what they did for Jasmine Trias. And look at that, Ryan's shoeless. And a metro. Some things just don't shock anyone. Ryan IS wearing lifts! I knew it!

Oh and Paul? We don't call you. It's an automated machine.

Chris Richardson- The word "punk" comes to mind when I look at him. Something in his eyes scream "I have a mug shot" and you just know the editors at The Smoking Gun are working overtime looking for an expose. That was a disturbing performance on so many levels. I take issue with the WHOLE thing. That's TWO Elliott songs now. TWO. Elliott Yamin is the master and this clown is trying to imitate him and no one has called him on it. Well, *I'm* calling him on it. They read the boards. Hey, Chris. You're not Elliott. Just because you're from Virginia and have now sung TWO songs that he has in the same exact freaking style as Elliott no less, that does not make you Elliott. No. No, no, no. Justin Timberlake? No. Elliott? NO! "I don't wanna be" indeed. And Elliott dances better, too. The whole performance was just wrong. It was nasaly and wrong. I'm mad because he's imitating (poorly) MY BOY ELLIOTT. No. I will give him that his falsetto was better than Paul Kim's, but unfortunately that's not saying much tonight. Those are the SAME FREAKING MOVES as Elliott's! No. Best so far tonight, but no, no, no, no, no. Whaaaaaaaaaa. I miss Elliott.

Okay, the judges. What the HELL?!?! That is NOT a new arrangement. That is the very SAME arrangement Elliott did less than a year ago! What is WRONG with them?! That's ELLIOTT'S! Stupid idiots. Chris is probably safer than anyone else so far tonight, much due to the judges' -albeit misguided- words, but I don't like him. I'm mad. "I don't like you tonight."

Nick Pedro- "I Will Be Your Man." Oh, Nick. I have high hopes for you. Cute boy, dimples, and reminds me of every guy I've ever known in my high school. Our school played Nick's school, for crying out loud (though that would've been while I was in graduate school, ahem). He is one of my early favorites with his smokey tone. It was off and a bit pitchy, but I like his falsetto and I hope hope hope he sticks around. Not my favorite tonight, but I like him. Dude, don't do the arms! They just told Sundance not to do the arms. What are you doing?

It's always good when Simon likes what Randy and Paula don't. Go Simon. Hope to see you next week ("by the grace o' gahd"), Nick. Yes, vote for Pedro.

I so wish the first week of the top 24 and the first week of the top 12 would be no-vote weeks so they can get used to the stage and band and people watching and get good feedback and THEN start the competition. But I'm warm and fuzzy that way.

Blake Lewis- He's cute!! I love his John Mayer and John Peter Lewis -like style. Woohoo! I love his voice! "Somewhere Only We Know" Yes, indeed. I love this song. Most challenging song so far. He was a bit off, but you gotta cut him some slack. Nice song. I like him a lot!! I'm happy to say this is my first official TOP 12 prediction of the season.

I don't like when people knock on Paula. She often hits the nail on the head like she did tonight with Blake. He does have a "contemporary vibe," she's right. Cool vest, cute boy, I like him. His own style. I agree with Simon (gasp!)--best so far! And I think he's wise not to beatbox. It makes him all the more likeable to not be annoying. He's a wise boy. Go Blake! I think I may already be getting attached.

Sanjaya Malakar- Look at that girly hair! What will the stylists do with him? Great smile. And he always kisses his sister and I LOVE that. It takes a real man to do that. It was a little old fashioned (which isn't ever good right after the judges have told people that old-fashioned is bad and contemporary is good, but what are you going to do, John Mayer your Stevie song?). It was a good, safe performance. Nice job, not great.

Ah, first week and we're already hearing about the "Best Singer in the Known Universe" (hereafter to be referred to as BSITKU), but we knew that was coming, too, didn't we? And geez, Simon was harsh! Poor kid.

Chris Sligh- He's great. Excellent even. He's substance over style in many ways--voice, talent, stage presence, humor, performance. Great job. "Don't wanna be the typical." Love it.

I hate stupid judge banter taking up valuable feedback time. And did Simon just call him a teletubby?! I predict that Simon will eat his words after he watches that back on TV. Which always sucks because it's post voting. But I'm so sure he'll do it, that I'm repeating my prediction. In italics. I predict that Simon will eat his words after he watches that back on TV. You watch.

I think I've figured out another dream job. Therapist for the Idols! Did Simon just call Chris a Teletubby?!?!? And SIMON is the guy behind that show?! Well, that wasn't in his book! Chris is a serious performer and I believe that he is probably quickly tiring or being called funny and entertaining.

Jared Cotter- Cute boy. Reminds me in some ways of my brother-in-law (Greg). Oooh, and he broke out some Brian McKnight. Dreamy. My first chills of the evening. Oh Yikes. Until he went off like that. But he's good. Um, Idols? It's cheesy when you say "thank you" into the mic after you sing. It's not a bar. You're on TV now.

Judges said something. I don't remember and it's not in my notes. Ryan keeps his distance from the tall guy.

A.J. Tabaldo- Fifth time's a charm? Do I do? Everyone remember Mario Vasquez singing "All My Love?" Okay, really. Someone couldn't have told A.J. that his collar was up on the polo shirt?? Holy flashbacks to grade school! Nice falsetto. He's cute. Cute dance moves. Good job. I'd like to see him continue. Could no one tell him to pick either up or down on that collar?? I'm totally distracted by it. He's gonna cringe on the replay.

Phil Stacey- I knew he didn't miss his baby's birth on purpose! He clarified that because people read the boards, I tell you. They do. So may I say, "Hey, Chris. You're not Elliott. Just because you're from Virginia and have now sung TWO songs that he has in the same exact freaking style as Elliott no less, that does not make you Elliott. No. No, no, no. Justin Timberlake? No. Elliott? NO!" I'm sorry, we were talking about Phil. Back to Phil. Too much make up. Who put on his rouge? I bet it was the same chick that untucked Brandon and "fixed" A.J.'s collar. Cute wife. Shaky start, better once he got going. Nice job.

My top favorites tonight? Blake Lewis and Chris Sligh. By a mile. Yay! I have favorites! Let the games begin!! Not that I'm voting. No. I'm blogging. But I'm doing my part.

The two boys going home? Someone hand Paul Kim his shoes and joining him will be either Sundance Head or Rudy (Feline? Free Ride? Fee Ride?) Cardenas.