L.A. Yuck

Okay, I'm going to expedite this, because we've all been tortured enough tonight. Here are a number of disturbing things about tonight's auditions from L.A. :

1. Dancing, Inflatable, Fat Cows

2. Bouncing Bananas

3. A "Panther" Audition (what an entrance, eh?)--Martik Manoukian, nasty!

4. A disturbing guy with oh-so-obvious-and-disturbing hots for Julio Iglesias sing a song in SEVERAL keys . . . AT ONCE!

5. Simon saying what both Mark and I have said in his description of Marianna Riccio (I said it looked like she had an abscess and was opening her mouth for the dentist and Mark said she sounded kind of like Cher).

6. I'm not going to comment on Randy's uttering "1,000 %" again. Nope, not going to do it.

7. Painful pleading--that's just awful to watch! And do these (albeit "foxy") mothers hear themselves?!

8. Another auditioner trying out for a role in the daytime drama "Passions." Honestly, no self respect.

9. Simon sounding surprised that he liked a hottie (Alaina Alexander). "Huh! I really liked her!" I'm with Randy on that one--lots of pitchiness all over the place. Of course YOU like her, Simon, because she's PRETTY. Where's that blindfold?

10. A story of a brutal mother. Let me see if I've got this straight. Phuong Pham's mother sat her down and decided to focus on how her daughter doesn't look like Katharine McPhee?? That was her main concern?? Her mother has seen her sing and dance and decided to focus on her looks?! Yeah, that wasn't MY biggest concern. My first was that she almost passed out with her, "OMG! That's Taylor!" Uh, Phuong? That's a cardboard cut out. My second concern was that her dancing looked like a combination of vomiting, having a bowel movement, and some sort of seizure all at the same time. But yeah, Mom, focus on her looks.

I heard TWO, count 'em, TWO good auditioners tonight and one of them was 64. The other was Brandon Rogers, the cute, likeable back up singer. Paula was giddy and he got a finals prediction from Simon!

His exit had me contemplating the job of the girl in the chair who hands out golden tickets. She must be bored to tears. Or maybe not. Another of the contestant's exits (mainly, scary guy Eric Mueller who trained to Paula and Randy's DVD) made me wonder if the girl in the chair who hands out golden tickets ever fears being attacked.

Brian Miller? The guy who didn't make it past Hollywood in Season 5? Cute boy, Clay-like mannerisms, but I'm not sure he's that unique. I'm glad they let him through, though. You've gotta wonder how some of those ousted from Hollywood feel when they see Kevin Covais on a "Best of Season 5" CD.

And, OMIGOSH, Simon does have a heart! He was very kind to Sherman Pore. And I like Paula--she strikes me as very genuine. That guy was better than many of the auditions we've heard. Truth. Maybe they should do "Elder Idol." He was sweet. Good for him!

But, wait, 21 got through on day 1?!?! And we saw TWO?! I hate audition shows.

Here we go. Day 2.

I guess Paula and Olivia Newton John are getting along since they're sitting together AND talking.

Oh my goodness, it's Ruben (with braces) and sparkly Kimberley Locke and oooh, they're a couple! Oh wait, they're Cavert Carr and Darold Gray! The dating couple from the bus stop! And, holy crap, she's singing "Since You've Been Gone"!?!?!?! I think. And are those "come hither" looks she's giving to Simon or is she twitching?

Today, I take issue with this show. Not because they're mean. Not because they're rude. Because they said "19 more" got golden tickets on Day 2. "19 more??" "19 more?!" "MORE" implies we've seen ANY. SOME.

I hate auditions shows. Next week, San Antonio *wraps it up!* Hallelujah.