Where's a dancing panther when you need one?

I'm missing X-sentrikk right about now. This competition could use a guy that is not only a singer, but a dancer, choreographer, philosopher, poet, songwriter, busboy, bank teller, fashion designer, scale model maker, and comedian. Unfortunately we got a bunch of performances tonight that could have me screaming, "Bring back Ian Benardo!" Well, maybe not quite, but still I, like Randy and Simon, am not jumping out of my seat. For the record, I have never seen Simon move with anything but a methodical saunter, and I am guessing Randy hasn't jumped for anything since hearing the song with the same title in 1980-something.

SPOLED KID RANT: Being out of town I am working at a distinct disadvantage. First, I didn't have my Tivo to pause to write song titles (like I let that affect me). Second, I got to hear our son ask me "is it done yet" after seeing each 866 (not 800) number appear on the screen, and yes, it started soon into Blake's performance. Third, I had to wait an hour and a half after the show ended to get to the computer since we are away from our dining room network megaplex, thus severely hindering my ability to remember anything constructive from tonight's performance. And fourth, I'm working on a network that is connecting at "only" 36 mbps rather than the 54 mbps to which I have grown accustomed at home. OK, I'll stop ranting. And for the record, I'm really not that spoiled.

RANDOM THOUGHTS: I'm afraid to ask what the D in Randy D. Jackson stands for. Donut comes to mind, but I'll not be that rude tonight. What happened to nice Paula? She usually saves her nasty comments and hesitation for the ladies. I even found myself missing her generic "you look good" and "I love you" comments. Tonight Simon seemed almost cordial. I kind of wish I still didn't know a lot of that stuff about the guys tonight. Somebody save Sanjaya from his hair--three performances, three hairstyles, three thumbs down. Did Chris Richardson seem upset after having his weight loss pointed out excessively after his performance, or did I miss something? I'm tired of the advice to just "bring it." This is generic, useless advice at this point. Unless there is a secret item they are supposed to bring on performance night, I assume the contestants know they have to do their best. Let's give some constructive advice on a consistent basis. At the end of the show the guys looked like they'd just been chewed up, spit out, then stomped on, picked up by a stray cat, toyed with, chewed up some more, and left on the back porch for the dog to chew on in the morning. Rough night. At least only 2 of you have to leave.

BLAKE LEWIS (Something by 311): I, like the judges, enjoyed it. The song was a bit boring in the middle, but he did a great job of mixing his own flavor into it and making it interesting overall. I was looking for something with a bit more "wow" tonight from Blake, but he's Top 12 and we all know it.

SANJAYA MALAKAR ("This is a Crappy World--Whatcha Gonna Do About It"): As Randy says this year, "First, the pluses." This was Sanjaya's best Big Little Stage performance to date, but I think he's suffering from Phantom Sibling Pain. It's as if half of him is missing, and it's the half with charismer. I honestly wonder if he's having difficulties without his sister at his side. I feel badly that he's coming off as so young and inexperienced, and that the judges are pouncing on him so much. I hope he doesn't make it to the Top 12 because we'll just have another Camille Velasco situation where people kept voting her through although her eyes said "please put me out of my misery NOW!"

SUNDANCE HEAD ("Jeremy's Smokin' Crack Tonight"): A bit cocky he has gotten, hmm? I don't know what Randy was listening to, but he wasn't in tune until the last few notes, and even then it's debatable. Don't confuse edgy tone with being in tune. His performance was alright, but nothing to write home about.

JARED COTTER (Stevie--need I say more?!): Why? Why? WHY? Why do people insist on picking not only "joints" by The Best Artist in the Known universe, but stupid songs by TBAitKU? It makes no sense. I said halfway through that his performance was solid, and Randy used the same word. I don't have a Magic 8 Ball, but I'm glad Randy's is working. And after all that silliness about the J.C. Face Rake he didn't do it? At least that would have been a bit more interesting.

CHRIS RICHARDSON ("Tonight I Wanna Cry"): I love this song, and now I wanna cry for all the wrong reasons. Chris did an okay job, but again, no jumping up here. Simon's right, his voice was nasally, and he was in and out of tune throughout. Here he goes, trying to distance himself from the whole Justin Timberlake vibe, and it didn't work. Give in. It's who you are.

BRANDON ROGERS ("I Just Wanna Celebrate"): I hated his performance from the start because all I could picture was some 2007 model pickup being sold at 2006 prices. How a guy on the brink of elimination, coming off two so-so weeks, can pick a song that was more exciting for the backup singers than the rest of us is beyond me.

PHIL STACEY ("I Need You"): Like I need a hole in the head. That was painful. His high notes were screams, his low notes were out of tune. If this were week 1 he'd be packing tonight, but he's lucky his first two showings were a bit stronger. And stop being such a kiss up. It's sickening, and a bit off putting. You can't take the same things seriously that you are taking with a grain of salt at the same time. Make your picks. Own up to the response. Improve next time. 'Nuff said.

CHRIS SLIGH ("We All Need Love" or something like that): Best of the night. But that's not saying much. I enjoyed it a bit more than the judges, but on a lackluster night I was hoping for a bit more luster from Sligh. I think part of the ambivalence the judges showed Chris tonight was because they had lost interest after Blake's performance. And stop apologizing!

MY QUICK HITS

BLAKE: Out of obscurity with obscure songs. Love it!
SANJAYA: At least your performance was better than last week's.
SUNDANCE: One good week doesn't a star make.
JARED: Fight the urge. Boycott Stevie!
CHRIS R.: Solid performance--Top 12.
BRANDON: I know "it" is in there somewhere. Better find it quick!
PHIL: Betcha can't grow it back now!
CHRIS S.: Best on a night of crap. "Bring it" next week!

MY TOP 3: Chris S., Blake, Ricky Minor and the Band
MY BOTTOM 3: Sanjaya, Phil, Brandon
OH SO CLOSE TO THE BIG STAGE, BUT NOT QUITE: Brandon, Jared

Honestly I have no idea what will happen, but I'm fairly certain Sanjaya will make it through even though the experience will likely end up stripping him of a lot of confidence in himself. They are brutal to him! For what it's worth, our daughter wanted me to vote for Sundance and Chris S. I got through on the first try for Sundance, and couldn't get through on two separate phone calls for Sligh. I also couldn't get through on my one try for Blake. I'm no Dial Idol, so you can draw your own conclusions.