Kilroy Was Here!

So the only thing that would have made this night even more authentic would be to have shown that little girl (the one who was crying) using grainy file footage type film. She looked like someone straight from the JFK airport when The Beatles first arrived in the 60s. Classic! Oh, so many things to say. I hope I remember them all!

RANDOM THOUGHTS: The intern must have been doing the directing in the beginning because there were a lot of bad cuts when they introduced the contestants. Now you see them, now you don't! If the performances tell us about the mentors, then back in the day Herman's Hermits and Lulu were infinitely better than Diana Ross was. Their coaching was so much more helpful, and it showed. I can't believe someone actually referenced Kilroy tonight. How authentic! Randy's got a new cosmetic line he's pushing: Yo Factor. Why did Ryan have two mics so conspicuously placed tonight? He looked so dorky, but not as dorky as his toss the cell phone, "Oops! I broke it!" fake runaway routine. Ryan, you're better than this. I feel like I'm watching the Miss U.S.A. pageant (and not in the good way, if there is such a thing) with these Cola-Beverage-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named (but recognized by the swirl and bubbles) questions each week. What would you do for world peace? Sing good.

HALEY SCARNATO ("Tell Him" I paid way too much to be missing this much fabric): But seriously, where the hell are the clothes? No back, no legs, too much heel. This time Simon told us exactly what he was looking at. Overall, a solid performance. She seems more confident, and she must really, really want to go on tour.

CHRIS RICHARDSON ("Don't Let the Sun Catch You Crying" after Simon's comments): Peter Noone did a great job with Chris. He is the first one to get Chris to sing the melody. He borrowed one of Daughtry's tricks and brought out the guitar guy. He sang on tune, brought in his own style. Nice. Now if only Chris could stop singing through his nose!

STEPHANIE EDWARDS ("You Don't Have to Say You Love Me," especially since you don't): Ouch! This was a bad night for Stephanie. I have never liked her, but I've never doubted her singing talent. She is just too serious about this thing. Like her Miss U.S.A question. The hardest thing? "Picking the song" is the obvious and boring answer. Spice it up a little. Walking in this dress, sitting on these crappy stools, looking at Simon's mug each week--any of these would show more personality, which is what she needs right now 'cause the singing was off this week. Lulu may be reminded of Beyonce, but sometimes people look at me and are reminded they left the toilet seat up. Memory is a funny thing.

BLAKE LEWIS ("Time of the Season" where we break dance): The judges must have read our blog (and every other blog with any sense) because all of a sudden contemporary and individuality work. Blake made it his own, sang it well, and really "performed." It was a "Cool vibey massive yo factor edgy tasty super size quarter pounder version tonight, dawg!" Simon's right, it is a singing competition as this show was conceived, but Peter Noone hit the nail on the head: it's become more of a voting contest in reality. People should vote for Blake this week.

LAKISHA JONES ("Diamonds are Forever" they are, and if you don't believe me, I'll sing it ad nauseum): Being a huge Bond fan, I was excited at the prospect of a "shaken, not stirred" performance, but this song is not one of the best Bond themes. Lakisha can sing, blah blah blah, but the bling was the most exciting part of the performance. I did enjoy her comeback to Simon. Simon liked it, too.

PHIL STACEY ("Tobacco Row," isn't that in Virginia?): So he had fun up there. He was really feeling it. It was bad. Not terrible, but bad. And his excuses and camera mugging and pathetic kissing up and incorrect math--your number was 6, not 5!--it's old already. He seems to be trying to beg his way into the upper eschelon of this year's contestant pool, but it's not working. You never know who will end up leaving each week, but he's a strong candidate.

JORDIN SPARKS ("I Who Have Nothing" but plenty of years ahead): This was a great performance. She's got some real talent, and it shows. The fact that she's "so excited" doesn't hurt, either. If she can keep it up she'll be a legitimate contender for a while yet. She is definitely the best, young contestant we've had in 6 seasons of A.I. Wow!

SANJAYA MALAKAR ("You Really Got Me" makin' a fool of myself): Hey, if you're going out, go out having fun. When the judges don't even want to make fun of you any more it's a bad sign. I'm actually really shocked that Randy and Simon didn't rip him to shreds up there. Mad props to Sanjaya for having the cajones to do what he did, and to make no apologies for being around. If America, and by "America" I mean that sweet little girl he hugged, wants Sanjaya here, all he can do is keep on keepin' on.

GINA GLOCKSEN ("Paint it Black" and it's still crap): At least the laser show lights were hot! The thing about the Rolling Stones is they can't sing, but they have style. It's not one I particularly care for (and I understand people enjoy it better stoned out of their minds), but they do have "it" or "yo" or "dawg" or whatever it is these days. So, it's not surprising that the song is repetitive, boring, monotonous, loud, tonally impaired, etc., etc. Simon was right (gag!) on this one: it was style over substance tonight. Gina's a better singer than this song showed.

CHRIS SLIGH ("She's Not There" but I'll find her here somewhere): I'm a fan of sauntering about at a leisurely pace. It's good for digestion. But I got distracted very quickly by Chris's stroll through the crowd. He did pick the perfect song. He did sing it well. He did impress me this week. He did wear his glasses. He did fix his hair. He did enough to stick around another week or two.

MELINDA DOOLITTLE ("As Long As He Needs Me" to give him chills, I'll do it): Melinda always gives me chills, even on a song that is a bit boring. I rarely like it when singers choose songs from musicals on non-Broadway nights, but given the lack of Melinda's 1960s global awareness I'll cut her some slack. She is a consummate performer and there is no way she will not have a successful career ahead of her. Even an adequate performance from Melinda beats 99% of what A.I. shows week in and week out. She. Is. Amazing.

MY TOP 3: Blake, Chris S., Melinda/Jordin
MY BOTTOM 3: Sanjaya, Phil, Stephanie
PURCHASING A TICKET TO SEE IDOLS ON TOUR 2007: Phil (you've got a young one at home anyway--enjoy.)

So, the invasion is over. Who will be our casualty tomorrow night? Who will miss out on the opportunity of a lifetime? Tune in tomorrow--

Enough of that.