Rock Night on Idol

Warning: I'm in a rare bad mood. Our hot water tank is having issues. Again. (Long story). And we missed both a concert and a party tonight to be here for the repair guy to come fix it. He didn't show nor did he call. We have a house guest coming in a week (that, we're excited about) and we want it fixed before he gets here (oh, it will be). And I might be slightly hormonal tonight. You've been warned.

So Ryan started us off by telling us that tonight we're "very live." I wondered if that meant no FCC 3-second delay for possible wardrobe malfunctions. But apparently it means that towers were falling and glass was popping and the Idols didn't get to have a dress rehearsal.

But, as they say, the show must go on. And now that I've watched it, I wish part of it hadn't. Yikes.

I know they have to do the weekly intro of the judges, but I really wish they'd just smile and wave. You know, like Paula does.

Instead we're subjected to Randy . . . what is that, woofing?, Kara opening her mouth and waving her arms like a groupie at a bus station, Paula (smile and wave), and disinterested Simon who sort of stares, looks like he's thinking about his next smoke break, and rolls his eyes.

And as if that's not enough, we also have to sit through Randy booing Simon every time he's introduced as if that's funny. It's not funny. It's insufferable. And whoever is in charge of his mic should be fired for not cutting his audio after his ceremonial woofing.

And Slash. As a mentor. Obviously a shameless plug for his new album, because honestly, he added absolutely nothing of value. He had nothing of substance to say and very little advice. Methinks his brain is a wee bit fried from one too many puffs of doobie (and yes, I had to Google that to find out if I was using it correctly. Shut up.)

Adam ("A Whole Lotta Love" by Led Zeppelin): Honestly he scared me a little. I like toned-down Adam better (think Ring of Fire, Mad World, Tracks of my Tears), though he obviously still did a slammin' job. Kara, with her magic rock hair, seemed extra hyper tonight. I mean, holy crap. Rock God? I might've enjoyed that comment if I hadn't spent the entire time wondering what my accountant brother-in-law would think of the performance while I looked for coded messages in Adam's eyes. So I can give credit where it's due, but if I'm being honest, I didn't love it. Personal preference. QUEEN. I said QUEEN, Adam.

Allison ("Cry Baby" by Janis Joplin): This girl just does NOT get enough credit. The judges should be pointing out constantly that she is the last girl standing. By. A. Freaking. Mile. Her performance may not have been her best to date, but dude, she's 17 and has mad, mad pipes. And when she finally talked back and let Simon have it? She won me over. And that's saying something, because the back talk is generally off putting to me. But tonight? I wanted to cheer out loud for her--the talking back was great and it was honestly about time. Unlike Lil who had the same nonsense to say every time after weekly horrid performances, Allison actually has substance, soul, sass, AND the ability to sing. So, you tell him, girl! She should be praised to the hills for what she does. And then some.

Duet by Danny and Kris: Okay, that was kind of weird. It was good. But it was also weird. I agree with Randy--the harmony was good, the individual vocals not so much. But, while neither of these guys is a rocker by nature, I think Kris is more natural at it than awkward Danny. Kris has a sexy Chris Daughtry stance and seems to have a very natural relationship with the mic stand and the stage. Whereas Danny just looks like he just signed up for dance lessons in a class during some awkward adolescent stage to --insert deep, manly voice here-- *scratch* "learn coordination for sports." *snort*

And the judges judging the duets is just stupid. But what really ticks me off is stupid jerkface Simon and his apathetic shoulder shrug and snide laughter, "What? What do you want me to say? Who's better?" Idiot. It's a duet. No one asked who's better. Moron.

Kris ("Come Together" by The Beatles): I think it's charming that he said of singing with Slash, "I almost wanted to pee my pants," don't you? I don't know that I'd call his performance the lunchtime equivalent of chewing ice made of mineral water. No, scratch that. I categorically would not have called it that at all. In fact, that analogy never would've entered my head, mineral, bottled, tap, or otherwise. It wasn't great, but I think Kris was smart to choose The Beatles. I think Kris's biggest challenge is being taken seriously. He has a baby face. He looks like some kid playing with his band in a garage when he's on stage. Kind of like that kid in that movie "The Rocker." I should know. We've been trying to get through that movie for 3 nights. I keep falling asleep. I apparently need commercials to fast forward. Kris's performance wasn't amazing, but he didn't deserve the slamming he got.

Danny ("Dream On" by Aerosmith): How'd you like that little Where's Waldo Find Danny in the mosh pit bit before the commercial? Yeah, me either. That was a train wreck. Danny actually got more credit tonight for "effort" and "risk" (neither of which paid off) than Kris did for actually singing well! That last note being like a scream in a horror movie? Now that is an analogy I can get on board with. And if we're going to critique, Danny's intonation is so bizarre (mirror becomes meeeror and true becomes trewwww). It's very distracting. But not distracting enough for me to not notice the horrible singing and performing tonight. What the ?? What on earth was he thinking? I don't think he was. That was really bad. The first part of the performance was way too slow and Danny looked drugged. Now I know he was doing it on purpose thinking, "Crap, oh crap. Sing slow, Danny. Drag it out, man. Maybe it'll go way over into Fringe and Fox will cut it off before I totally slaughter that last note. Dude, I cannot hit that note. What the hell was I thinking choosing this song? Fall, towers, fall!"

Man, I knew he wouldn't hit that note even before he started the song. Slash knew it. Remember Slash? The MENTOR. Obviously he knew it by what he said. Some mentor. At what point did he decide not to tell Danny that there was no way he was going to even come close to pulling that off? That was a wrong song choice if I've ever heard one. That should win some kind of "wrong song choice" award. And it should be displayed. In every Idol's mansion bedroom from this season forward, serving as a reminder that "No. No, no, no." As in no no no no no. (Sorry, I could only find it in Spanish).

My favorite part of Danny's, well, everything tonight was when Paula said, "How many Danny fans are out there?" and they went to shot of three 6-year-olds holding a Go-Go-Gokey sign and having a very delayed reaction to the question. That part made me laugh out loud. I think the nervous tension that had collected during his performance had to come out. It was just so wrong. That was a bad, bad, crazy bad last note. Poor Danny doesn't even know yet how bad it was. Like he said, he'll find out when he watches it back. Or perhaps he got a taste when the editors (who should apparently also be fired) decided to put that clip of his song in that reminder-of-tonight's-performances montage. Even Paula sat down from her dancing and air punches when he hit (or rather, didn't) that note. I think on some level, he had to know. Hence the awkward overcompensating with the band afterward. You know, the part that made me flashback to his dance class sign up? And then Simon's prescient "I think you're going to be safe" comment got an audible gag from me. Hmmmm, who did he predict would be in the finals? Oh yeah, that's right. Adam and Danny. And God forbid Simon be wrong. Idiot.

Duet by Adam and Allison: If there was a saving grace tonight, this was it. The singing was phenomenal, but it was only enhanced by their matching boots, twinner hairstyle outing to Adam's "hair girl," and how they absolutely ran to each other after their performance. I loved it! These two are natural rockers and it shows. EVERY time. Loved it. I've been vacillating between an Adam-Allison finale and an Adam-Kris finale, but tonight told me what I really want. Based on tonight, I hope it comes down to these 2 in the finale. They deserve it. Adam will win and that's fine, but this would be an enjoyable finale.

And based on tonight, Danny should go home. Or sign up for dance lessons. Or do sound effects for horror movies. Or chew ice for lunch. Something.

Best to worst:

Adam
Allison
Kris
Danny

Going home:

Anyone's guess. This top 4 rocks. Duets with any other top 4 would've bombed. Badly. Thank goodness Lil is gone.