Are you freaking kidding me??

This isn't a review of what they sang. This is simply a review. Or rather a missive to each of them.

David Cook,

You are a solid rocker, a fantastic performer, and whatever you do, you'll do fine because you, sir, are phenomenal. And your hair looks better than when you started, so that's a big bonus. I think you're great.

*****

Jason Castro,

My dear boy, I've loved your voice from the start and even your look has grown on me as simultaneously beautiful and handsome (and that is saying a lot since at first you reminded me of a girl friend of mine from years ago). Your "Hallelujah" and your "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" have been show stoppers in their own poignant way. Sigh, Jason, sadly I think your time is up, but your album is still the first I'd buy. Your style, your lovable and charming quirkiness, your pure and tender voice. You are the heart of this competition and I love that. So, yes, pack your bags (those stupid judges could've grilled you a little less before your second song, eh?), but be ready to sell albums, because there are many of us who are so buying them.

*****

David Archuleta,

You are vocally wonderful and your tone is beautiful. However, if I'm being honest, I'm a bit bored and have been for some time. I seriously sometimes consider fast forwarding on our TiVo. And if I hadn't seen old YouTube videos of you as a Star Search child, I would've rooted harder for you, but alas, your story is not one of those endearing ones of a humble, sweet young diabetic kid who is deaf in one ear and doesn't even know he's good yet gets discovered by his boss when that boss overhears him singing while he stocks shelves at the local drug store. Yours is a story of a rather intense father who has primed you as a singer and groomed you for television cameras. It seems all so contrived. Too bad really. You otherwise seem totally adorable and lovable. I worry for you and what you've already been through--you have an almost-comatose look as if you're already on some sort of antidepressant drug. I hope you're not. So, that being said, The Powers That Be will have you in the finale because they know the teeny-boppers adore you. And hey, you can sing to boot. So, see you in two weeks. As for your seagull T-shirt, I'll let my husband comment on that one.

*****

Syesha Mercado,

Are you freaking kidding me?! You know, I don't really like you. I haven't liked you for a long time. And I'm astounded that you are the last girl standing. That honor should've gone quite deservedly to Carly. Or Danny Noriega (I miss him). And even though I find you pretentious, full of yourself, closed and defensive to criticism, and a big time diva, I've been able to say when you've done well, which you have the past couple of weeks. And even tonight, it pained me to admit that I thought your first performance was pretty darn good. I was actually starting to give you props.

But then. But then! I'm almost speechless. And again I ask, are you freaking kidding me?? Did you really just compare the pivotal and sad time in our country's history of the civil right's movement to your own experience of not getting eliminated on a reality TV talent show? Did I seriously hear that correctly? I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt that no you did not just do that. But then. But then! You did it again! You said it again!! And this time with tears! You, on live television, sobbed overcome not by the emotion of the great Sam Cook or his posthumous and moving protest song which most regard as his greatest composition. No, you cried because you almost got kicked off American Idol! You didn't cry because of the injustices of your own race and the changes that have come much too slowly (and still so very wrongly delayed) through the years. You cried because you think *you've* been changing. Heaven help us all.

Any iota of respect I've had flew out the window with tonight's interviews. When you were crying, I thought you'd been moved by the meaning of the song. But you were moved by your own pretty reflection in the mirror! And I am . . . speechless. I cannot believe that The Powers That Be have helped orchestrate the fiasco that is possibly you in the top 3. Do you deserve it vocally based on tonight? Sure, because Jason sucked big time and even flubbed the lyrics like a cherry on top. But if, by some miracle, you make it into the finale itself, or worse yet, actually win this thing, I'll know that you were inspired. By you. How the voters haven't LaToya Londoned your behind off the show, I do not know.

*****

Tops for me tonight--personal preference: David Cook
Bottom: Jason (love him, but I think he'd like to be done now)
A bit bored by: David Archuleta
Are you freaking kidding me??: Syesha