Various and Sundry

So, here's some AI gossip that might interest one and all. Oh, but first. Have I mentioned "THANK GOODNESS Hollywood starts this week!"? Ah, Hollywood. I remember that's where it really started to be all the more obvious that ELLIOTT was a leader among the masses. Remember when Elliott Yamin was up against that pushy, obnoxious Brittenum twin and a couple of other guys? And the twin fudged the lyrics and then gave a big, huge speech saying that he sang better than the others and that it's their fault he didn't do well because they didn't want to rehearse? And then Randy said something like, "Dawg, you wanna know who sang the best? That boy right there!" and he pointed to Elliott who humbly smiled and bowed like he does and went on to the fame he deserves (not enough fame--yet, in my opinion). I *love* Elliott!

Anyway, on to the gossip! I've got information about AI Alums and current contestants.

AI Alumni News

Chris Daughtry tells his fans to "Get over it." I'm happy for him and I really like him, so I mean this sincerely and not as a slam--I hope his marriage is really solid. His wife championing his cause was so heartwarming (I shed a tear) and with the schedule he must keep, I really do hope his marriage and family are solid. I imagine that it must be difficult to have that kind of success and schedule with both his career and his home life.

Katharine McPhee is savouring her success and appearing on magazine covers! She really is so beautiful.

Dreamgirls star Jennifer Hudson blasts 'Idol' as abusive and brainwashing.

Poor Jessica Sierra was being stalked after her stint on American Idol. Her stalker has been arrested.

Current Idol Contestants

Porcelana Patino (think "Rocky"--that girl who worked out and wore REALLY low-riding pants to her audition?) missed her TV airing to be by her dad's side at the hospital after he was involved in a hit-and-run.

Here's a VERY interesting (and perhaps surprising) interview with early favorite Sean Michel (think Fidel Castro)--I highly recommend reading this one!

Jamie Lynn Ward (the 17-year-old who cares for her paralyzed dad who shot her stepmomma when he caught her cheating?) -- apparently her family is speaking out about Jamie's recounting of events (apparently they have a different story) and for bringing up the past in her audition. Geez, I hope she doesn't get grounded.

Chris Sligh, Funny Guy. Here's a link to his blog. And here's a link to his MySpace page -- his music is SO good, much better than his audition. I hope he goes far.

Judges

Paula Abdul is NOT being replaced by Courtney Love -- apparently it was a hoax.

Early Favorites

Here is an article that lists early favorites including Chris Sligh, Sundance Head, Sean Michel, Sanjaya Malakar, Melinda Doolittle, and more. Vote for your favorite! Better yet, I'm making us our own poll! Be looking for it . . . them . . . I'm making several. :P

Taylor Hicks Album Review

We heard good things about Taylor's album, and so we did the natural thing and bought the CD (well, we love music!). We first listened to it later in the evening while we were cleaning with the kids, but even after we lost the concentration necessary to really review this album, we could tell Taylor's offering is among the best of the Idol contestants up until now. You can tell he's been at this performing/recording thing for a while, and you know he figured out his way around the studio pretty quickly.

Before I get too far, the "Do I Make You Proud" / "Takin' It To The Streets"single is sold as a stand-alone CD, and neither song is on his debut album. But don't let that stop you! You can buy both!

The first time through, the tunes seem simple enough, but listening more closely I can tell they are anything but simplistic. And like good ol' Southern Comfort, the music goes down smoothly and gives a little kick (I hear that's how it feels, having never tried it myself!). All in all, from opening drum riff to closing gospel chorus, this is quintessential Taylor Hicks.

1. Runaround: This is a great opening track. It leads with a hard shuffle beat, brings in Taylor's vocals over the top, and quickly gives way to great brass licks and a gospel choir. It's a good one.

2. Dream Myself Awake: This track was written by Rob Thomas and has the kind of chords and lyrics that give it a modern feel, but with Taylor's comfortable vocals and the tune's Southern styling, you'd swear you've heard it somewhere before. And just when I was missing the brass, in comes the horn section with some Chicago-like riffs. Awesome!

3. Heaven Knows: This is a Ray Charles and Smokey Robinson tune with a funky intro. The background horns sound like classic Tower of Power, and you know Taylor was dancin' that microphone stand all around that cramped little studio booth.

4. Gonna Move: The intro to this track screams of Summer nights on a Birmingham porch, and the rest of the song keeps painting the picture from there. Taylor shows off his skills on the "harp," and any recording featuring a group called The Almost Exhausted Tabernacle Choir is aces in my book.

5. Wherever I Lay My Hat (That's My Home): This is a Marvin Gaye song, but Taylor has definitely provided a new take on it. It has a fresh, almost 90s Sting-like quality to the background arrangement. Bonus: you get the classic, raspy vocals we're used to hearing from Taylor.

6. Give Me Tonight: This track gives off a definite funk vibe. It reminds me of the great funk/rock/soul type tunes of the 80s. At one point I was getting ready for Axel Foley to jump out and shove a banana in somebody's tailpipe. Wait! I'd swear some of these riffs are straight out of the soundtrack from "The Karate Kid." Great tune!

7. Just To Feel That Way: This next song has nice 12/8 rhythm that has become so popular lately. Taylor gets to show off his (not seen enough) softer side, but he maintains that typical edge to his vocals.

8. The Maze: This is another one of those "comfortable" rock tunes with a modern feel, but it's not the best on the album in my opinion. It is still a good song, though.

9. Places I've Been: Here is the requisite Diane Warren tune. I guess you need one like this since "Do I Make You Proud" is nowhere to be seen on the album. "Places I've Been" sounds like the American Idol, and if Taylor hadn't recorded it, someone from the show would have this year.

10. Soul Thing: This track is a Hicks original and is my favorite by far. I remember hearing it on his old website before we even knew he was in the Top 12. Somebody was circulating it well before the finals. It has a great feel, plenty of soul, a fantastic back beat, and a wonderful chorus. The lyrics and the style are definitely from the South, and Taylor sounds perfect on it.

11. The Deal: This one is also written by Mr. Hicks and is another great showing from the soul man. In the right style. Just right.

12. The Right Place: This final track is written by Bryan Adams and like so many of his songs, it is a great tune. We get to see the softer side of Taylor again, but he will still bring the Hicks intensity, especially at the end. "You've come to the right place, baby"

My favorite tracks on the album are "Soul Thing," "Gonna Move," and the rest of the album. Honestly, I can't pick just one third place.

I've gotta say of all the albums put out by American Idols, this is probably my favorite. Admittedly I haven't heard Carrie's (and heard great things about it), but I doubt seriously it would cast much of a shadow on Taylor's. Get it. Listen to it. And even if you are not a member of the Soul Patrol (I wasn't going to say it, but oh well!), you will love this album!

Idol Chatter from the Good Doctor, #3

I had some thoughts about what's coming up in Hollywood, and then realized that Rapine made very similar comments on Boquinha's L.A. post. It is in response to the question, "Where has all the talent gone?" Well, no one really asked me this question, but we've all alluded to the topic in our various audition recaps. I've come up with 5 conceivable reasons (I'm sure there are more) for withholding all of the talent in the first few weeks of American Idol.

1. Suspense. During the auditions, we have probably seen 2 or 3 of every 20 people to get through to Hollywood. And that's on a good week! I wouldn't say that I'm more excited for Hollywood than in past years, but my interest is definitely piqued about all this "mystery talent."

2. Quality. I don't really think this is the reason, but a thought occurred to me recently. What if the talent is starting to thin a touch, and we are actually seeing the best of the auditions. Again, I'm seriously doubtful about this, but I have been less than impressed with much of the talent that has gotten through so far.

3. Sentiment. Remember Melissa McGhee last year? Yeah, didn't think most of you would. She was the first of the Top 12 to go, after she rearranged Stevie Wonder's lyrics just a touch. It wouldn't have been so bad, except that in the video just before she sang, we see the Greatest Performer in the Known Universe (but not the nicest guy) tell a nervous Melissa, "Don't mess up my lyrics. No one changes my lyrics." Even this wouldn't have been her death kiss, but we knew almost nothing about her coming into the final 24 and Top 12. She was really good, and as far as talent goes, I can name at least 3 or 4 finalists that should have gone before her (think "Chicken Little"). But we already saw a lot of some of these people. Now, I'm not saying an extra video montage or a little familiarity with a sob story will make an American Idol, but I wonder how different things would have been for someone like Kellie Pickler if we hadn't been so familiar with her from the start. (Honestly, I don't think the producers care that much about their futures or how much we know them. They really just want the best story to create the best ratings.)

4. Whim. The producers just made it that way. It seemed like a good thing at the time.

5. Mockery. I've said it before and you know it's true. There are a lot of people who only want to see the bad auditions. Put more of them on, and more of these people will watch A.I. (and then keep watching House or whatever else is on after A.I.--we fast forward commercials). And maybe, just maybe some of these people will keep watching in Hollywood, and then the Top 24, and so on.

So, there are my Friday thoughts. It's unlikely I'll do any other productive thinking today, having sacrificed I.Q. points this week in the name of "entertainment." Sometimes I actually feel dumber after watching the audition shows. Thank goodness we all get on this blog and debrief afterwards!

HollyWEIRD is right!!!

Tonight was filled with "UH-UH" s, as it should have been since they only showed us like 3 people who actually made it through!!!!

Panther Boy - UH-UH... I don't know how they kept straight faces as long as they did, I was cracking up from the get go!!! I'm sure Olivia was thinking "What in the @#$% did I get myself into????" She was a very nice judge though!

Lover Boy - UH-UH...

Mariana - UH-UH...Her mom should have given her some more tips, including: If you have to get down on your knees you AREN'T GOING THROUGH!!!!! That was a perfect example of a parent who was a little *too* indulgent of their child's dreams...It makes the fall that much harder!!!

NOTE TO CONTESTANTS: (I think I said this same thing a few episodes ago, but it is the BANE of AI!!!!) They have never Ever EVER EVER let someone go through on a second chance!!! If you can't convince them with your first try, YOU CAN'T CONVINCE THEM!!!! NEVER!!! You'll only embarrass yourself and look like a bigger fool than you already do! Just STOP!!!! Bow out GRACEFULLY!!! (Unless of course you just want to be on TV, then go right ahead...)

Alaina - At last, some potential!!! Or is it just the comparison? The story of her being at the pivotal point of giving up her dream is very touching.

FEMALE TAYLOR HICKS???? UH-UH...

Brandon - ...and here comes some male potential, Finally!!!

2nd chance Brian - We'll see if it works out this time...

Sherman - I loved his terminology: My lady-love, my lady, etc.!! He was so sweet! That was the saddest story ever! I'll admit to shedding a few tears myself... And someone else who can actually sing! Nice of them to show an actual "singer" to us... :)

PDA couple - GAG ME WITH A SPOON UH-UH!!!! Her flirting with Simon *was* pretty funny though...

Eric - No, I've definitely NOT "heard anything like that", as he said! *PLEASE* tell me you really did NOT spend 2 years practicing THAT!!!! I was ROTFL, though, that he practiced with Randy and Paula's "Learn To Sing Like The Stars" - that whole chase scene was too funny!!!

Well, one more audition to go, and then HOPEFULLY we'll start seeing some of the talent, because they've barely shown us the tip of the iceberg so far (at least I hope so!)!!! It seems like in previous years we were at least visually familiar with 1/3 or 1/2 of the Hollywood contestants...definitely not so this time!!!

See ya in Texas... :)

City of Angels (of the Devil!)

Can I just say that tonight I am glad that I can say, "I come from Northern California?" I would rather be a granola-eating (I have some in my cupboard right now), Birkenstock-wearing (I've worn them--they are very comfortable), tree-hugging (it's quite pleasant, actually), liberal-leaning (the older I get . . . ) Northerner than a clueless, delusional show business wannabe, who really comes from some "regular" location like Duluth, but decided to take up the "out-of-work actor" business, mistaking it for glamor. Phew! Got it out of my system! Now I can go on.

But seriously, why is it that L.A. attracts all of the sob stories in life, as if breathing in greenhouse gases continually will make pathetic histories turn around? These are just a few of my (very) random thoughts tonight. But here are my much-anticipated (I'm inflating my ego, A.I. style) "Top 10 Things A.I. Wannabes Should Know: Los Angeles Edition."

10. Do not try and reinvent the wheel. It's round. It rolls. It's worked pretty well for thousands of years. Music still only has 12 notes and you sort of have to keep them in tune when you use them.

9. I look forward to hearing music "fluctuate" and "reverberate" as much as the next guy, but if that's a euphemism for "music that sounds like two cats in heat, clawing each other for hours on end," I'll pass this time 'round. Bringing me to . . .

8. (Why do I bother?) Please, limit your qualifications to one entry, such as "hack" or "delusional wannabe." There isn't enough room on the form to include singer, dancer, songwriter, rapper, actor, choreographer, entertainer, auto mechanic, butler, maitre d'i, news anchor, journalist, communist, generalissimo, large cat, freedom fighter, spinning top, etc., etc., etc.

7. This one's for the parents. I've asked parents in the past to be a bit more truthful with their children, but sparing their feelings by telling your daughter, "You're not T.V. pretty," instead of saying, "I don't know if singing is for you," is not helpful. Bulimia waiting to happen, I'm telling you.

6. I understand it's quite difficult to sing with hardware in your mouth. Oh, that's gold? Then by all means, flash those pearly, er, . . .

5. This is not the American Kennel Club, so pedigree means nothing. I don't care if your mother was in the touring group with Sinatra, Martin, and--on second thought, if any of Dean's friends named "Bruno" or "Vinnie" are here today, we may be able to find you a spot. But sixteen years of training? Are you sure?

4. Today we'll be having a reunion of sorts. We've discovered Ashanti's sister, separated at birth, but displaying the dramatic flair we've come to love. Uncanny, the resemblance.

3. Putting your social life "on hold" for 2 years will help you as much "singing since I was 4." In case you're wondering, that's "not much."

2. Uh, that's a cardboard cutout of Taylor, not the real thing.

1. Being "unique" is actually better than being "x-sentrik." Although, neither one is a great choice.

Bonus thoughts from the Doctor for all of you in the City of Angels, haiku style (were you expecting a limerick?):

Waiting tables is
Not such a bad profession
When you cannot sing!

I actually had a couple of other thoughts (but only one or two) while watching this mind-numbing 60 minutes of "entertainment." Good on ya' to the older gentleman, Sherman Pore, who presented his petitions to "audition" tonight. It was a classy move by A.I. to include him without cynicism, and the judges actually showed some decency and heart. Plus, Sherman was actually in tune, which is more than I can say for thousands of others in L.A. (and elsewhere). Also, I was terribly disappointed in the girl who sang the Michael Buble song, Alaina Alexander. "Feeling Good" is a great song, and I hardly recognized it when she started. I can tell her voice isn't bad, but I really didn't think she was good enough for Hollywood.

So, one more night of auditions. What will San Antonio bring us? Whatever it is, it's almost done!

L.A. Yuck

Okay, I'm going to expedite this, because we've all been tortured enough tonight. Here are a number of disturbing things about tonight's auditions from L.A. :

1. Dancing, Inflatable, Fat Cows

2. Bouncing Bananas

3. A "Panther" Audition (what an entrance, eh?)--Martik Manoukian, nasty!

4. A disturbing guy with oh-so-obvious-and-disturbing hots for Julio Iglesias sing a song in SEVERAL keys . . . AT ONCE!

5. Simon saying what both Mark and I have said in his description of Marianna Riccio (I said it looked like she had an abscess and was opening her mouth for the dentist and Mark said she sounded kind of like Cher).

6. I'm not going to comment on Randy's uttering "1,000 %" again. Nope, not going to do it.

7. Painful pleading--that's just awful to watch! And do these (albeit "foxy") mothers hear themselves?!

8. Another auditioner trying out for a role in the daytime drama "Passions." Honestly, no self respect.

9. Simon sounding surprised that he liked a hottie (Alaina Alexander). "Huh! I really liked her!" I'm with Randy on that one--lots of pitchiness all over the place. Of course YOU like her, Simon, because she's PRETTY. Where's that blindfold?

10. A story of a brutal mother. Let me see if I've got this straight. Phuong Pham's mother sat her down and decided to focus on how her daughter doesn't look like Katharine McPhee?? That was her main concern?? Her mother has seen her sing and dance and decided to focus on her looks?! Yeah, that wasn't MY biggest concern. My first was that she almost passed out with her, "OMG! That's Taylor!" Uh, Phuong? That's a cardboard cut out. My second concern was that her dancing looked like a combination of vomiting, having a bowel movement, and some sort of seizure all at the same time. But yeah, Mom, focus on her looks.

I heard TWO, count 'em, TWO good auditioners tonight and one of them was 64. The other was Brandon Rogers, the cute, likeable back up singer. Paula was giddy and he got a finals prediction from Simon!

His exit had me contemplating the job of the girl in the chair who hands out golden tickets. She must be bored to tears. Or maybe not. Another of the contestant's exits (mainly, scary guy Eric Mueller who trained to Paula and Randy's DVD) made me wonder if the girl in the chair who hands out golden tickets ever fears being attacked.

Brian Miller? The guy who didn't make it past Hollywood in Season 5? Cute boy, Clay-like mannerisms, but I'm not sure he's that unique. I'm glad they let him through, though. You've gotta wonder how some of those ousted from Hollywood feel when they see Kevin Covais on a "Best of Season 5" CD.

And, OMIGOSH, Simon does have a heart! He was very kind to Sherman Pore. And I like Paula--she strikes me as very genuine. That guy was better than many of the auditions we've heard. Truth. Maybe they should do "Elder Idol." He was sweet. Good for him!

But, wait, 21 got through on day 1?!?! And we saw TWO?! I hate audition shows.

Here we go. Day 2.

I guess Paula and Olivia Newton John are getting along since they're sitting together AND talking.

Oh my goodness, it's Ruben (with braces) and sparkly Kimberley Locke and oooh, they're a couple! Oh wait, they're Cavert Carr and Darold Gray! The dating couple from the bus stop! And, holy crap, she's singing "Since You've Been Gone"!?!?!?! I think. And are those "come hither" looks she's giving to Simon or is she twitching?

Today, I take issue with this show. Not because they're mean. Not because they're rude. Because they said "19 more" got golden tickets on Day 2. "19 more??" "19 more?!" "MORE" implies we've seen ANY. SOME.

I hate auditions shows. Next week, San Antonio *wraps it up!* Hallelujah.

Week 3B - Los Angeles

LA - already overpopulated with oddball wannabes, should be a goldmine for weirdos...

Sure enough, the first entry they show us lives up to that premonition...
Eccentric is euphemistically well-named. Peculiar would have worked as well for me, and has the same number of syllables. I guess the millenial fad to be more outrageous than everybody else has not yet found its deserved end.

If Ever He's In My Arms...I'll run away screaming...with my ears covered!

Marianna Riccio's speaking voice suggests she can't manage anything lyrical. Yep.
Apparently she took Paula's and Randy's knee-bending yesterday as the thing to do to make up for it. Beautiful mom, though. Go sponsor mom in a beauty contest. or something.

I can tie my shoes! Let me through!

Alaina Alexander - not good enough for me, but hey, Simon thinks she's hot, and passed over Paula to garner Randy's support. Sneaky, these Brits.

Phuong Pham, or, better, Taylor Fan, or Pong, as Simon calls her - not so much.

Brandon Rogers - pleasant, but a leetle bit pitchy in spots. A welcome relief from prior auditions, but I'm not sure he can go the distance. The ladies will love him, though.

Brian Miller, former contestant - hasn't yet learned not to overpower the song, but has a chance to learn through the season, and is pleasant enough to listen to.

Sherman Pore, whose wife died of cancer - touching, and not at all bad for his age. Many of the younger crowd could learn a lot from him, about many things.

Cavett Carr, or Sparkles, did so poorly with her announcement that there wasn't much hope. Her overt overtures toward Simon were a little scary. I hope Darryl doesn't find out.

Oops. So much for that. Simon ratted her out, to cover his butt in case Darryl was jealous. But he can't sing.

Eric's eyes are too far north, too often, in his pre-audition interview, to suggest any connection with his body sufficient to sing a song. Yep. Apparently his pitch is somewhere up there with whatever his eyes are focused on. Hideous, apparently thanks to an Idol's training course DVD that I won't be buying any time soon.

*Sigh* - I grow weary to the bone of these auditions. The commercials are beginning to signify a dearly welcomed relief. Fortunately, there aren't many more to endure.

The rumor on the news is that Paula's being replaced. Perhaps this explains the frequent additional female judges we've been seeing...?

See you next week...

John

Buhminham

Well, it was an *interesting* evening...

Overall I wasn't as excited about the judges picks as I usually am. I don't know if it was just the people they showed or what. Maybe a bad mood? Who knows...

How about that newlywed with the little girl voice? And Tatiana? Or Bernard the 2nd? (Simon was sure excited about him - that was surprising!) Then there was Big Bird, who was hoping to "overwell" the judges...hmmmm.

The "blue-eyed bombshell" gave a little too much of a "pity-party" story for me.

There was one bright light of the evening... CHRIS SLIGH!!!! Now there was someone to get excited about! I loved that there was a funny contestant who was actually *trying* to be funny (rather than just someone being made fun of....)!!! And I *really* liked his voice. He was definitely my favorite of the night!

If there's one judge you don't want to be missing when you're auditioning, it's Paula...too bad for the Day 2 contestants!!!

H-O-L-Y-H-A-I-R...Need I say more? I did feel bad for her though when she was so sad afterwards. And Simon's "Sorry Vic, it's a no"...good grief, where does he get off calling people nicknames?

Did "Like A Virgin" say she had an "excrordinary voice"? I replayed it three times and that's what I heard! That audition reminded me of a 5 year old's dance recital - she had the exact same moves.

And finally, a shot of Simon going through the wrong door...sweet justice for all the contestants who have done the same thing this season!

Hasta manana... :)

The Answer: 205

The Question: What is the collective I.Q. of the worst people to audition in each of the first 5 audition shows? I'm guessing when all is said and done, we might reach an even 300, but I wouldn't get too excited about it.

Actually, though, this is the first audition show that I've watched and thought (oh so briefly) I could watch a bit more. I guess it's because 15 of the 20 eventual Hollywood-goers came from Day 1, so the second half of the show was pretty much fluff-n-stuff. Things could have been so much worse, that's for sure. The really sad thing is most of my snarky advice comes from one person's audition in particular. It doesn't take a genius to figure out which one it is.

So, without further ado, here are my "Top 10 Things A.I. Wannabes Should Know: Birmingham Edition."

10. The Mayor is here today, but he won't be assigning any more special days to the calendar yet. You have to make the Top 3 for that. Although, "I hereby proclaim today 'Talentless Insane People Day' in Birmingham" has a certain ring to it.

9. The judges are not particularly interested in any "packages" today, total or otherwise. See #5 here and #8 here. You've been warned.

8. On Day 1, the part of Paula Abdul will be played by some woman who overdosed on Peppy Pills and no longer makes any sense. She cannot sit still in her chair and no longer recognizes good intonation (Michael Jackson dude--in tune, Paula says he is not; Seal dude--out of tune, Paula says he is). On Day 2, Paula Abdul has a "family engagement" and will be unavailable to judge until we meet up with her in a future city. We are told we will see a toned down version of Paula, who will then be on Moderately Pleasant Pills.

7. Do I need to remind anyone that Madonna's "Like a Virgin" is not a song that has been successful thus far on American Idol? Keith did that one in a few years ago and I still can't get that image out of my mind--yuck! Honestly, Madonna's vocals on it were only so-so, but it shocked all of us that were used to listening to the messageless "happy" music of the early 80s so much that she pulled it off.

6. David Hasselhoff was crying because he's just a few years too old to compete. The thought going through his head last year as he was watching Taylor was, "I wonder what the age limit is for German Idol. Chicks love me over there!" Apparently old guys can audition in Los Angeles, so be looking for the ol' Knight Rider to show up again!

5. If you have difficulties with your first song, please blame the floor. It's been known to spontaneously ruin the careers of so many A.I. hopefuls in the past. (As an aside, flooring was also responsible for the sudden and tragic downfall of Milli Vanilli, regardless of the dubbed voice theories you may have heard.) It's only been pointed out lately how troublesome the floor can be.

4. Don't be fooled. If the producers ask you for a sob story, do not think of Kellie Pickler last year and think, "Oh, she had that awful life only thought to exist within the world of country music, and they profiled her, and now she's a star!" It might work once or twice, but this year the producers are trying to really get people's hopes up so the fall is so much more devastating.

3. Randy has so little contact with people in the "real world" that his only words of advice or encouragement may be "hot hair." This is honestly supposed to make you feel better about yourself, and you should measure all of you future endeavors against this heartfelt sentiment.

2. Only a few people will be more entertaining than the movie trailer I watched at double speed while fast-forwarding A.I. on my Tivo. It was something with Eddie Murphy and what looked like a skinny man in a fat suit. Do we really need another obnoxious-guy-in-fat-suit-dressed-as-woman movie?

1. When the judges ask you why you are here, just tell them the truth: I want to be on television. Or tell them you don't know why. They seem to like it when their expectations are low, and then you exceed them.

Here is a bonus plea from the Doctor, haiku style (as always):

You're representin'
Southern hospitality
Ruben, where are you?!

Tomorrow's show looks like a good one. I am genuinely excited to see it. It has all the makings of a good audition show: aspiring actors dressed as bananas pretending to be singers, topless gyrations, and lots of golden tickets.

Sweet Home Alabama

11,000 people lined up by 6am and 20 people get through. Wow. Talk about perspective. That is approximately 10,970 very unhappy people, 10 moderately unhappy people (at least they got on television), 16 happy, but annoyed people (they *didn't* get their golden ticket audition on television and you WILL hear about that later), and 4, count 'em, FOUR auditions that we, the viewers and those who vote, got to even SEE. That means that out of 60 minutes of garbage auditions and crap commercials, we got to see, oh, about 6 minutes of talent. And the Mayor of Birmingham.

More fuzzy spots in the crowd. They must've been advertising Chevrolet instead of Ford. Idiots.

So, that's the first time in six seasons that the judges have been welcomed?! Simon looked pleased and cynical as could be.

One of my favorite lines of the evening was "Erika! Erika! ERIKA! Stop singing, Erika! ERIKA! Erika, stop singing. Stop. Stop. Erika. Stop. Erika! Erika! ERIKA! ERIKA! ERIKA! Stop. STOP. Stop. Stop. Erika. Erika. ERIKA. ERIKA! Erika. Stop singing. You've got to . . Erika. ERIKA! You've got to stop singing. Erika. Erika. ERIKA! Erika. ERIKA! ERIKA! You have to shut up!" And now it's echoing in my head. Honestly. Definitely makes you feel less sorry for them. I mean, clearly they're deaf. Or socially retarded and don't understand boundaries. Either one is a definite detriment in a singing competition. Out you go.

My first "LOL" of the evening came from Ryan's oh-so-fake "awwwwwww" at some shed tears. I like Ryan. I really do. And I think he's fantastic. I'm so glad he's the host of this show. He doesn't get on my nerves and I think he's very sweet with the contestants. But, (and again, I refer you to paragraph #1), that's 10,980 "awwwwww"s (those 10 don't know yet that they're on TV so they probably cry, too).

Cute Katie with the weird talking voice but good singing voice who just got married? (Why is Paula kneeling?) When she started pleading, she reminded me of Judy Garland's Dorothy from the "Wizard of Oz" with her desperate plea "Oh no, please! Please don't take Toto! He's a good dog! Please! Oh Antie Em!"

Why can't Paula sit?

Then that skinny girl and her anorexic friend walked off jerking their hips side to side.

Why is Paula giggling?

Bernard Williams II sang and did alright, in my opinion. And in Simon's and Randy's, too. Now, THAT is odd.

Why is Paula touching Randy so much?

So Paula thought he was off-key?? What is going ON with her today??

My 2nd "LOL" of the evening came when they played the Sesame Street Theme to the entrance of Big Bird's cousin, Margaret FOWLer. FOWLer. Need I say more? Oh yes. I do. She's 26, no 30, no 38, no 50! And one of my new favorite Simonisms--"an Easter Bunny nightmare experience." Priceless.

That little montage of golden tickets? Yeah, they couldn't show us more of that and less Big Bird? Grrrrrrrrr.

The girl with the father who caught her stepmomma cheating (twice!) and then shot her and then shot himself and now he's paralyzed and she lives with her grandmama and takes care of him? Well, if that ain't a country song waiting to happen! Yeah right, Simon would've said no to her. Did you see her bouncing up and down? Give me a break.

That 28-year-old guy who sees Christina Aguilera when he looks in the mirror? Yeah, that's Mark's first LOL of the evening. Chris Sligh. He's not very good, but he's very funny.

Why is Paula turning in her seat? And why is she not hearing that this guy IS very off-key??

15 got through on Day 1. Yeah, they'll quickly show you all of them. Did you see them? You see, THAT is also when they show the little Ford (not Chevy) car driving across the screen. What do they have against showing us talent?!?!

Day 2. No Paula.

Long-haired ladies. Nice girl. I *hate* it when Randy tries to over compensate for being a total jackass by cupping his hand around his mouth and yelling insincere niceties to the crying contestants as they exit the room. Does he really think she has "HOT HAIR, THOUGH!"? I HATE that! As if that is going to make up for the missing golden ticket. "Hot hair? Oh, thank you! Yep, all better. Who needs Hollywood? Randy says I have hot hair! I'm like the sweetest girl who's ever auditioned for them and I'm not quite sure what he means since I don't even know that 'hot' has any other meaning besides indicating when the sun beats down on the farm. Momma don't know what he means neither. She shrugged her shoulders and said, 'He didn't e'en touch it! How does he know?' But by golly, Randy thinks my hair is hot. I don't need Hollywood. My life now has meaning." Randy has to be my least favorite judge. Why Paula gets more criticism than he does is beyond me.

What . . . the hell . . . was that? Indeed. Yeah, she's nervous and people tell her she can sing. There you go! But I *love* the southern hospitality montage. "Thank yewww!"

I'm so tired of 1st and last auditions being spotlighted. I know they probably pick who goes in those spots and try to make it look like it's not staged. "Let's see if the last audition of the first day can wow them!" Brandy Peterson did NOT make me feel "shiny and new." She does not make it look like it's fun for a virgin to get touched for the very first time. She makes it look scary. But then again, it's the floor's fault.

FIVE on day 2. FIVE. That's got to be a record low.

Where is Paula?!?!

And now we know more about the role Paula serves--without her, they'd have 24 people after auditions and there'd be no reason for Hollywood.

L.A. looks positively worse than New York, but I love the preview. I'm totally intrigued.

Week 3A - Birmingham

Okay! Pizza's in the oven, and I have a baseless premonition that something wonderful awaits us in tonight's viewing! We shall see...

Ah! seeming to confirm my intuition, we're told that Alabama is home to more finalists than any other state thus far. Onwards, then, to further greatness.

Erica Skye - better than the average initial offerings in other cities, but still dreadfully loud and off-key. Her second effort was actually closer than the judges allowed for, but having made up their minds, they wouldn't relent.

Katie Bernard, whose speaking voice sounds like Howie Mandel's imitation of a little kid, sings quite well enough for a second chance. Paula and Simon seemed to believe it was an affectation she could leave at the door, which disinclined them from passing her. It may well be an affectation she developed at some point in her early life (by listening to Howie Mandell), but I don't think she could possibly drop it at will. We have this year's Kellie Pickler factor.

Tatiana McConnico(?)- very decent sound, but I'd like to hear her carry a note for longer than a few seconds. Still, well worth a ticket and a chance to be heard again.

Diana Walker - too much. 'Nuff said.

Bernard Williams II - I like him! Smoooth! Not off key, per Paula. Perhaps she's having inner ear problems?

Margaret Fowler - took advantage of the 'fowl' in her name to imitate Big Bird? That's the only similarity she had to singing like a canary (a very large one!).

Jamie Lynn Ward - Another Kellie Pickler, accent-wise. A little rough, but she moved my energy. I could see her singing the tracks of a Disney movie. She's gonna have to work hard, though.

Christina Aguilera, er, I mean Chris Sligh - Actually pretty good, though somewhat rough and inconsistent. Not having Jamie's endearing qualities, I wonder what the judges will say? I'm impressed! His humor seems to have served him well. I see him more as entertaining us through the series than having a shot at the finals, but we shall see...

Mmmmm...good pizza! Made with Trader Joe's cornmeal pizza crust, now available separately, and crowned with spaghetti sauce, garlic, black olive tapenade, chicken italian sausage - all from TJ's!

Victoria Watson - seeking an audience for her Rapunzel hair, or a serious entrant? Good intentions, I can see, but a bit church choirish, and giving the impression that she sings for religious reasons - "to lift people up", more than to entertain.

Lakia Hill - Ouch! Save me!

But I do appreciate the citizens' ability to take no for an answer, gracefully.

Nichole Gatzman - A little rough. She might have made it past Paula, had she been there.

'Braggin' Brandy Patterson - they encourage her with a second chance on the carpet, and then wonder why she gets upset? They should have just told her no, period, the first time, and been done with it. The way they led her on was unneccessarily cruel, no matter how much comeuppance she might have had coming. up.

See you in LA!

What I'd Like, But What I Will (Vol. 2)

Here we are going into Week 3 of the auditions and I'm posting my second volume of predictions and wishes. This may become a regular thing, or it may not, but for now here we go again!

What I'd Like

1. In a break from tradition, typical of this sixth season of A.I., Randy elects not to mention his ties to the south as he emerges from his limousine.

2. Not a single person shown on camera mentions anything like:

• I'm unique.
• I can sing and (dance/act/write/juggle/predict future events).
• I'm, like, Paula's biggest fan. I think I love her. (And I hope she'll love me!)
• I'm so @#%! talented that those @#%! judges will see they don't know what the @#%! they're talkin' about. You'll see me on the @#%! TV! (A.I. logo hiding hand gesture)

3. No one will mention "205" in Birmingham.


What I Will

1. An endless string of "205" references. In fact, Ryan already mentioned it in the promo at the end of last Wednesday's show.

2. I will see at least a dozen people mention:

• I'm unique.
• I'm a multi-, um, multi-, um . . . "multiple personality" performer. I can do it all. (Number 5 from my Big Crapple post is a repeated warning.)
• I love you, Paula! Look, I can sing "Straight Up" and dance like you do in the video. No, stop laughing, look. I'm doing it for real!
• @#%! (A.I. Logo) @#%! (A.I. Logo), etc., etc., etc.

3. Randy will tell us at least 15 times that "his" South is representin'/disappointin'/livin' large/eatin' big/gettin' crazy/dude, like, dawg, um, damn!

I can't wait to see which list is correct. I think we all know how it turns out.

P.S. I didn't even mention L.A. in this list. I just don't see how it's that exciting to get a golden ticket in L.A. to go to Hollywood.

"Dude! Welcome to Hollywood!"

"I already live here."

"Well, welcome anyway."

"Do I really need a ticket, or can I just take a cab?"

List of Past American Idol Contestants

Here is a list of past American Idol contestants and their elimination dates. Who are some of your favorites who got eliminated early? Stories to tell? Memorable moments? After the list, I post mine.

Season 1 (2002)

Kelly Clarkson Winner
Justin Guarini 4 September
Nikki McKibbin 28 August
Tamyra Gray 21 August
RJ Helton 14 August
Christina Christian 7 August
Ryan Starr 31 July
A.J. Gil 24 July
Jim Verraros 17 July
EJay Day 17 July

Season 2 (2003)

Ruben Studdard Winner
Clay Aiken 21 May
Kimberley Locke 14 May
Joshua Gracin 7 May
Trenyce 30 April
Carmen Rasmusen 23 April
Kimberly Caldwell 16 April
Rickey Smith 9 April
Corey Clark Disqualified
Julia DeMato 26 March
Charles Grigsby 19 March
Vanessa Olivarez 12 March

Season 3 (2004)

Fantasia Barrino Winner
Diana DeGarmo 26 May
Jasmine Trias 19 May
LaToya London 12 May
George Huff 5 May
John Stevens 28 April
Jennifer Hudson 21 April
Jon Peter Lewis 15 April
Camile Velasco 7 April
Amy Adams 31 March
Matthew Rogers 24 March
Leah LaBelle 17 March

Season 4 (2005)

Carrie Underwood Winner
Bo Bice 25 May
Vonzell Solomon 18 May
Anthony Fedorov 11 May
Scott Savol 4 May
Constantine Maroulis 27 April
Anwar Robinson 20 April
Nadia Turner 13 April
Nikko Smith 6 April
Jessica Sierra 30 March
Mikalah Gordon 24 March
Lindsey Cardinale 16 March

Season 5 (2006)

Taylor Hicks Winner
Katharine McPhee 24 May
Elliott Yamin 17 May
Chris Daughtry 10 May
Paris Bennett 3 May
Kellie Pickler 26 April
Ace Young 19 April
Bucky Covington 12 April
Mandisa 5 April
Lisa Tucker 29 March
Kevin Covais 22 March
Melissa McGhee 15 March

We caught part of Season 1 of this show in Richfield, UT doing some "away" medical school rotations and got hooked (after the initial confusion of "Wait, it's on again? Tuesdays? Wednesdays? This isn't a repeat though. Wait. Two times a week? They sing and then people vote? What?"). We love this show!

Season 1 -- Not having caught the season in its entirety, we like both of the top 2 and no question that Kelly is amazing.

Season 2 -- Okay, I have a lot to say about this season--one of my favorite seasons to watch! REALLY wanted Clay to win, but we do like Ruben, too. This was the season I learned about online forums. :P I never really liked Kimberley Locke (still don't think she's all that). I always resented Simon trying to play her up so there'd be some drama about the top 2 and 3. AS IF we didn't all know it would be a Clay-Ruben finale. I was amazed how many people jumped on Simon's bandwagon thinking she could actually give either one of those 2 amazing guys a run for their money. She's good. She's not that good. I'm glad the 3 of them are friends, but no question, Clay and Ruben are tops.

Didn't ever care for Josh Gracin. He's cocky and weirds me out when he sings for some reason. Decent voice, but I'm not a country fan. And that was weird when he switched all of a sudden to a twangy voice. Very strange. I can do a mean Trenyce impersonation. :P Didn't ever like Kim Caldwell (still don't). Not my style at all--she's too "harsh" and abrasive. I liked Carmen okay, but didn't think she was all that, though it's admittedly fun to have an LDS competitor to watch.

I LOVE RICKEY Smith!! Hercules! Hercules! Hercules! He's one of my favorites. Love his Brian McKnight sound!

Corey Clark was always annoying. Couldn't stand him. His disqualifiation was interesting and cool that they didn't eliminate anyone and did a show anyway.

Julia DeMato. When I saw her perform "Son of a Preacher Man" to try to get in the top 12, I voted for the first time. I didn't know that you get multiple votes, so I called once and voted and figured that was it. :P

I LOVE CHARLES GRIGSBY! And I'm still annoyed that they cut him off during his farewall song for some sort of national news.

Season 3 -- quick blurb for some of these as this season wasn't that interesting since Fantasia really had no competition. She's amazing. I love to watch her perform whether or not it's my style of music.

Diana DeGarmo - Such a cute girl, I cringed and slept horribly the night before the finale. She hit a REALLY sour note and I really, truly *ached* for her. She's amazing at such a young age, too!

LaToya London-- too snobby for me to ever get into her nice voice. She's amazing, but not unique. She blew it (and I predicted it) when she interviewed with Ryan after a performance and actually said she didn't need the show to go places. See ya! Duh.

George Huff -- very, very fun to watch. Reminds me of Tennessee Ernie Ford.

John Stevens-- love the crooners!

Jennifer Hudson-- she's always weirded me out when she sings, but she IS amazing. I still think it's INCREDIBLY exciting that she's got a Golden Globe and an Oscar nomination (so far)!

Jon Peter Lewis-- LOVE him, love his album, love his style, another fun LDS one

Matthew Rogers-- annoying as all get out, cocky

Season 4 -- My favorites are Constantine and Bo. I'm not really a "rocker," but I love how true they are to their own respective styles. And I have a great deal of respect for Constantine's chutzpa on the show with EVERY SINGLE ONE of his performances, particularly Queen's, Reba's, and The Partridge Family's. "I THINK I LOVE YOU!!" I was so upset when he got booted.

Not a big Carrie fan, though she's undoubtedly amazing, too. Again, not a country fan. And she was too aloof for my liking. I like some personality.

I liked Anwar until he hit the big stage. It was too much for him. Too bad.

I liked Nadia but she did weird things with her hair.

I LOVE NIKKO!! That guy was PHENOMENAL and should've advanced SO MUCH MORE than he did. He got eliminated after a stellar "West Side Story" performance, I might add. LOVE NIKKO. Was so glad when he got Mario Vasquez's spot.

Mikalah Gordon-- so annoying I almost don't even want to mention her

Season 5 - GREAT seaon, so many good and great performers. I'm fine with Taylor as the winner, because he's amazing. I think the final 2 would've been FAR more interesting as an all-male finale. Katharine is GORGEOUS and very good, but a no brainer runner up to at least 3 of the guys on the show that season. Taylor-Chris or Taylor-Elliot would've been a fantastic edge-of-your-seat finale. Taylor-Katharine was fine, but we always knew Taylor would win it, so it wasn't as exciting. Though, she looked amazing and sounded great.

I LOVE ELLIOTT!! That guy chose difficult songs and always nailed them time and time again. He's extremely likeable, so genuine and kind hearted, such a good sport, and SUCH a great singer! His "Moody's Mood For Love" is one of the most challenging songs to sing and he did it and nailed it and earned his way right into the top 12. I would've loved to see him in the finale. I love Elliott!! EVERY song he sings has HIS OWN STYLE and his fantastic voice. He can sing anything and I love, love, love his style. Can hardly wait for his album. My favorite of the season.

Chris Daughtry--AMAZING! Shocker of an elimination, no question. He should've stayed longer, too. This is the season I wanted 3 winners as a tie. :P I think he's phenomenal, but I did find his attitude to be very poor when he got eliminated and came up with lots of excuses for his elimination but never ONCE was gracious enough to say, "I'm up against great singers and they deserve this, too" or something to that effect anyway! Anything.

Ace was amazing on the tour--one of my favorites after the fact. And I have always loved his falsetto. "Butterflies" is one of my favorite performances by him.

Mark does a mean Bucky impersonation in so many formats! LOL!

The others, a mix of okay, not my thing, etc.

So, basically, my favorites are Kelly, Charles Grigsby, Rickey Smith, Nikko, Clay, Fantasia, JPL, Bo, Constantine, Chris Daughtry, Taylor, and Elliott. Hmmmm, I really love the guys, eh?

'DAUGHTRY' appears on Craig Ferguson - 1/27

Chris closed the Craig Ferguson Late Late Show with his band 'DAUGHTRY' - two electric guitars, electric bass, and drums. A solid hard rock piece, the name of which wasn't given. The drummer apparently sings harmony, judging by the mic in front of him, and does a very good job of enhancing Chris' voice, but wasn't given any camera time. Nor was there an interview...the show ended with the song. It was a tight, well-executed performance, though the genre was not my personal cup of tea.

Kellie Pickler Gets Emotional on The View

What a touching, genuine performance. Grab a hanky . . .

Chris Daughtry Sings the National Anthem

Man, doesn't he look cold?? Great job!

Jon Peter Lewis Album Review

Any album that can make you think of The Cars, Billy Joel, The B52s, and Marvin Gaye is alright in my book. JPL does just this, while maintaining a distinct style that made him a favorite in A.I.'s third season. Overall I think he sounds a lot like John Mayer, which is a good thing, and his voice sounds just like it did on the competition with a little more "polishing." Here is a list of the songs on the album, along with my first impressions.

1. Boy Next Door: great track with some definite alternative undertone. The opening sounds a bit like U2, in my opinion.

2. Gypsy Queen: starts out riding "like Kerouac" and ends up serving lattes on Sunset to the "mentally challenged." Great lyrics.

3. What's Wrong: the opening drum riffs definitely remind me of bands like The Cars, and the rest of the song does not disappoint.

4. Man from Amsterdam: you can see some of his feelings about A.I. and Hollywood sneak through here. I love the guitar work reminiscent of the Red Hot Chili Peppers on "Under the Bridge."

5. If I Go Away: his vocals have a John Mayer feel here and reminds me of why he did so well on A.I.

6. Man Like Me: another great slow one from JPL, probably my favorite on the album.

7. Stories from Hollywood: the chorus on this one reminds me of mid-80s Billy Joel, and that's a good thing.

8. Rodeo: this one sounds like they recorded it live in JPL's garage, but it still has a professional sound to it (reminds me a bit of They Might Be Giants). The lyrics mention Laverne and Shirley, the Three Stooges (before Shemp), and the Lone Ranger. What else could you want?

9. Burning in Hello: it starts with some ZZ Top-ish guitar work and vocals, and keeps on driving ahead. Not one of my favorites on the album, but still very good.

10. Turn to Grey: this one has a great R&B feel (hence the Marvin Gaye reference earlier) and still maintains the style for which JPL is known.

11. Amanda Grace: Very folksy sounding and very good.

My personal favorites are "Boy Next Door," "Man Like Me," and "Amanda Grace." You can hear clips of some of his songs on his My Space page. And Amazon has clips of all the songs on the album. I listened before buying the CD and I knew we'd love it.

On his website JPL mentions how he wanted to distance himself from the heavily pop-influenced albums that A.I. contestants usually end up putting out, and stay closer to music with a rock and roll edge. He's done that and created a great album at the same time. The two years away from A.I. have been good for him, but he'll never erase the memories of those Ford commercials!

Something Funny . . . or Disturbing!

I was looking for some Idol-related stuff earlier today and came across this video. It's classic JibJab set to the Weird Al "hit" (if there is such a thing) "Do I Creep You Out." Since the answer to that question is usually "yes," I wanted to see how it turned out. For me the answer is still "yes." What will your answer be?

Do I Creep You Out | Send To Friends | Funny Animations at JibJab

Idol Chatter from the Good Doctor, Part Deux

I got to thinking about the winners of the past season, and contemplating Randy's question for the ages: What do they all have in common? None of them required on-the-job training, for one (that's for you, Sarah). But I came up with something else: during the competition they proved that they "know who they are." Carrie is the only one that I think had an "identity crisis" about mid-way through the competition, but otherwise we all knew she was a country singer. We knew Ruben would bring us some high quality R&B, and Taylor was adancin' fool with almost too much energy.

This is one reason I don't have high hopes for people like the Amazing Opera Girl. She flipped in and out of styles at will a la Josh Gracin. Remember when all of a sudden he had this extreme southern drawl? That was weird. It suits him now, but at the time it was unexpected. In the beginning, switching styles with the theme for the week works out for a lot of contestants, but ultimately this lack of true identity and personal style works against them. Ruben took some heat for seeming to plateau, but he just proved week in and week out that he was so good, his improvements seemed minimal.

I'm looking forward to seeing who will step forward during Hollywood and the early weeks and show some style. And "I'm unique" is not an endorsement of personal style.

It's usually just plain weird.

NEW YORK

I'll start off showing my musical ignorance...I wondered why in the world Joan Collins was guest judging!!! No, it wasn't Joan after all, just her long lost identical twin!

I really loved all the back stories on this episode!

Sarah - What a sad/touching story! I hope her dad will support her, she seemed very good!

Best Friends - It will be interesting to see what happens to these two in Hollywood, unless of course Ryan was just tricking us with his false advertising!

Jenry - I liked him! And he was lucky Simon wasn't there, I'm sure he would have had rude things to say since he wasn't a beautiful girl... His mom was cute!

Okay, has ANYONE EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER made it through to Hollywood when they've come to the auditions with ANY KIND OF GIMMICK (i.e. costume, pet, stage makeup, prop...)????? WHY oh WHY do people keep coming with them then? Are they gluttons for punishment? Do they not watch the show? I know several of you comment about this every week, and I just don't get these people who think they're going to get through like that...

Jory - I really liked her!

Porcelana - Those were the lowest low rise jeans I've ever seen...she had a plumber's crack while she was standing up straight! She's got an interesting/unique voice, but she may be a little too *skenky* for me...we'll have to see.

I liked Rachel the opera singer also! She was a surprise!

Nicholas's "second time around" was awesome, I hope he's ready for the challenge this time because he was good!!!

39 people made it through from NY, huh? That's a LOT compared to last week!

Mags!

One of my favorite AI blogs to read (in addition to ours) is Magistra's! She is F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S. She is a lovely combination of witty, clever, and sarcastic. I've read her blogs (along with the very enjoyable Floresta) on the American Idol site for the past year or so.

Well, Mags is so funny that phillyBurbs picked her up and now she posts there! Sigh. I knew her when. :P I love that she's been "discovered!"

So, we're fans. And I'm spreading the word--she's fantastic. We have links on the side to her posts as well as Floresta's posts. Hilarious reviews and recaps. Thoroughly enjoy them. And then some.

Oh, and now I know that not only is she wickedly funny, she's also very thoughtful and sweet. I wrote her to tell her that I think she's great. I told her about our blog and she kindly took the time to check out our site, read our stuff, and email me back. We're in her bookmarks! ;)

Her gesture was so very nice and it was such a bright spot in my day. I'm a fan. And she's one of my blogging idols. I recommend you read her. Every week.

New Your New Your

Yeah yeah...cos I'm from new Yawk I gotta hear all dis gripin about our performers. Da reality is simple, we got more singers in da contest den anyplaces else.

Now, I hope that feels your overdone NY accent quota for the year, cos I don't like doing it. On with the show...or train wreck...you choose.

Normally I'm never disappointed in my own state, we are a dignified group (angry, hostile, indignant, rude and surly) and very rarely do you find something that can embarass us. We like to call those embarassments one of two things:
1. Tourists
Basically, these are the people who are visiting from someplace else and don't get it.
"I'm from Maryland and I love it here, except I don't understand why strangers don't talk to me on the subway".
Even if they decide to live here, if they don't get it, then they are tourists.
2. East Villagers
This group of misfits is usually responsible for some of the mind bendingly lame performances we saw last night. Villagers are basically a mix of real NY residents and wannabe real NY residents. They show up and rent the apartment next to some heroin addicts and claim to be actors and performers while working as waitresses and waiters. It's this group of defects that you see parading around on television saying things like "I'm a superstar".

For some reason, that area draws in freaks like magnets. Anyone with any desire to be famous gathers down in the village, they all frequent the same lame bars and call them trendy (like a 20 seat smelly bar is trendy because a bunch of out of staters sit there at night discussing how cool the village is). Now you take these tourists and East Villagers and put them in front of a camera and you get the spectacle you saw last night.

First you have real NY residents, some good, some bad. They came they saw they tried...a few got in. The sad part is the jackasses who inserted themselves in as normal NYers and made complete fools of themselves on national television. I for one am beginning to tire of the producers sick need to put mentally unstable and/or deficient people in front of the camera as if this will amuse us. The bush baby, the Elvis torture test from Memphis and NY's crazy guitar playing psychic who hates her first name. She's sounds like Janis Joplin, Stevie Nicks and Led Zeppelin, appearently that's what they would sound like if you stuck them all into a small room with hungry bobcats. Sorry Julie, a real psychic would have known they had no chance...just ask Dionne Warwick and her Psychic Friends.

What really made me throw my shoe at the screen last night was this annoying nuisance Ian Bernardo. He's a total fraud, he wasn't even entertaining as a joke performer. He purposely showed up to be a jackass and all I wanted to do was hit him in the face with a boat oar. I honestly am not sure who I am more pissed at, Ian for being a worthless talentless hack, AI for giving this loser air time, or Fox news and everyone else who is interviewing this moron as if he is running for office. Please people ignore the morons and focus on the talent.

33 people made it through last night, but my fear is since Davita was one of them, how many other instant cut people got through today only to be sacrificed in Hollywood. Justin Timberlake kid showed some promise, and so did a few others but it seems like perhaps barely good enough might be enough this year. I'm not looking forward to the massive slaughterhouse they are lining up in Hollywood, but at least it will fill time for them.

One last note, I have no problem with Nicholas Pedro getting a second chance, however if I was on the panel he would only be allowed to try out with one song, "Buttercup".

The Big Crapple

Well, more people made it through from New York than from any other city so far, but it's possible that 2 or 3 thousand, and maybe even a million people auditioned there, so that's not so unexpected. I was pleased with quite a few of the auditions, but was sufficiently disappointed as to make another one of my lists. Writing these things is like debriefing after a major disaster. Hopefully Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder doesn't set in!

So, here are my "Top 10 Things A.I. Wannabes Should Know: New York Edition."

10. On Day 1, you will be so terrible that Simon will drink himself into oblivion (apparently until 3 AM!) and will be unavailable to start Day 2. The morning of Day 2 is your chance to slip through before the pompous blowhard with a hangover shows up. Once he gets here, Simon will not be amused by anything! You've been warned.

9. If you were rejected by that Brit on the dancing show, you will not do much better with the Brit on the singing show. This is for two reasons. First, antagonism is just not the best way to impress them. And second, you can't dance, nor can you sing. And you're just plain annoying!

8. If you are on the fence talent wise, offer to let the producers video you down by the Boardwalk in a bikini, and they'll let you go to Hollywood. One of you who was let through to Hollywood because Simon is a dirty old man at heart (not because you have "training") will crack notes on a "humorous" montage at the end. I wouldn't have high expectations in Hollywood if I were you.

7. Please, please, please limit your remarks to 15 seconds, tops. Begging and pleading will not work. I have seen it work only once or twice in 5 seasons, and those people didn't get that far anyway. It's great that you've been working so hard, and have "internalized" the music, and feel it's your chance, and know that the third time is the charm, and you've been to Hollywood twice and know what it's like, and you're up to the challenge, and your mother and sister and friend love you and think you are great, and you refuse to leave when you've been asked, and your hat is dope, and you love Simon, regardless of what anyone says, and . . .

Just go.

6. The age limit is 30. In the past, contestants have had to lie to get through to the judges, but this year we will be accepting one person over 30 to audition for the judges. You have no chance to go to Hollywood because you can't sing well enough, and even if you could, you are . . . too old! We will put you on television and we will waste the judges time with you. Thank you.

5. This is a singing competition. Don't tell me about your talent for: dancing, acting, songwriting, juggling, screaming, mumbling, storytelling, or anything else. "Look at the wall behind you, dawg!"

4. If you know you can't sing (and your friends have told you so), reference #5 above. We do not provide on-the-job training. This is not the Peace Corps, a student exchange program, work-for-food operation, or resume builder. Honestly! Are you serious?! Most people's friends say, "Oh, you're so great. You should try out for American Idol. Go for it!" Yours did not.

3. On a serious note, we will take the most energetic, enthusiastic, charismatic, fun-loving person here today, let you sing 2 songs, and then crush your dreams, along with the shred of self-esteem and dignity that you are clutching so dearly, without a second thought. It's what we do here at American Idol.

2. Therapist's endorsements will not be considered to be a credible source of information when determining who will go on to Hollywood. Nor will the opinions of "a friend," "my coworkers," "that guy in the subway," or "the voices in my head."

1. Paula will attempt to give constructive criticism to one of you, just one. Simon will not tolerate this. The judges do not have time to help anyone. They are far too busy listening to people who had no business auditioning for this show, mocking people relentlessly, and acting like giggly teens. Plus, Simon has a headache.

I'd give you more advice, but my haikus have become more sorrowful now.

New York attitude
Simon with a hangover
a match in heaven

There were some bright spots (Mr. Second Chance, Mr. 16, Mr. Shorts and a T-shirt, Miss Canada among them) so all in all it wasn't a bad 2 hours. I have high hopes for Birmingham because regardless of what Miss Opera says, we've seen more talent from the South in 5 seasons than anywhere else. It should be good.

The City That Doesn't Sleep . . .

. . . and apparently neither do I. I hate 2-hour audition shows. And yet I sit and blog. This show has a hold on me. Or I'm possessed.

No, I'm not possessed! Ian Benardo (see his shirt?) is possessed. Ian Benardo and his chinchilla (where's PETA when you need them?) and his multiple therapists . . . there's something wrong there. Very wrong. His therapist says he's a superstar. He sings of voices in his head. And he's totally full of himself. Now, those are the kind of bad auditions I can get into!

Sarah with the unsupportive parents. Cute girl. Okay voice. The whole lead up was a little too "reality TV" for me (for those new to my reviews, I don't think of AI as a reality show--it's more of a talent show. I'm being serious.). When she was crying and the cheesy music was playing, despite the lack of roses and candlelight and limos, I had to remind myself that she was in fact *not* a bachelorette rejected on the night of the finale. And the phone call to her dad was pretty anti-climactic. Maybe it was just a Sprint promo. Because, you know, text voting isn't enough.

I hated the "Days Of Our Lives" bit, too. So way over the top. That girl oughta listen to Carol and try out for Broadway, because if her singing doesn't get her on, her dramatic acting and oration will.

The 2 best friends and the beach ball intro? Blech! One of the camera operators clearly knows exactly when to zoom in on dirty-old-man Simon during auditions. He ogled that tall one and the camera zoomed right in on his face, mouth agape, pencil nervously twisting in his hands. Disgusting pig.

Anyway, they're both good. The blonde one reminds me of a girl in our ward (do you know who, people from around here?). I like the taller one better. They're both going through to Hollywood only in part because of their voices. They're pretty. And they're best friends. And Hollywood is spelled D-R-A-M-A. We already have Ryan's foreshadowing, which may or may not mean much, but anyway . . .

Cliff? Mr. "Average Joe?" Yeah, he apparently wandered onto the set of the wrong show. Wrong channel, too. I believe he's looking for that "Beauty and the Geek" show on the WB or whatever it's called now. And note to all contestants trying out: if they actually invite you to sing another song, don't play the harmonica.

Did that really need to be said?

Did you guys catch that quick clip of the guy from Lancaster, PA? I'm not quite sure what color his hair is. What is that . . . electrifying blue? Electrifying green?

Fidel Castro! Oh wait, those are Memphis's notes. (Flip paper).

Kia! Aretha Franklin. Ish. I don't love it, but she's good. And after her audition, I thought the judges had really caught on. THREE of them said "100%" and then Randy Jackson had to say, "1000%." AGAIN. Randy, you can't be 1000 per cent anything. Argh.

Day 2. Crap, there's another hour of this . . . 35 contestants they let through. 35! And in two hours, what do we see?? Chinchillas.

Jenry. I like him! That's some good eye candy with that nice voice. Can I say that about a 16-year-old? Very cute boy with a very nice voice.

By the way, I'm not liking the no-Simon dynamic. I was glad when he arrived, cell phones and all.

Nakia Campbell. HOLY BIPOLAR! She's fun! I like her! What energy! What an entrance! Good for her! YES! She is dancing in the streets and I like it! Go Nakia! Wait. Holy crud. She is off key BADLY when she reins it in. And what a totally different exit. Yikes. Maybe she should see one of Ian's therapists. And not the one who feeds his delusions.

Sarah Cowboy Goldberg. My gosh, I think she's drunk! She knows she can't sing! Is she crazy? No, I think she's drunk! She actually just said, "I don't think you have to sing to be an American Idol." She's drunk. Do you ever wonder about how those people must react when they sober up and watch themselves months later? Drunk on national television. Those people have family and friends and jobs. What's her tomorrow morning going to be like?

And Simon arrives. Hallelujah. New Yore! New Yore!

Jory. She's really good! Who is she? I don't have any indicators on my notes. Oh! The one with the big medallion from Canada (thanks, Mark). ;)

Porcelana. The one who's been working out for a year. She scares me. And when people wear pants that low, it makes me very, very nervous. I think I saw her, um, how do I say this politely? I think I saw a definite division of her posterior. I don't really like her. Maybe SHE is the Brenna Gathers of this season. With a white trash touch of Kim Caldwell. Frightening. In the extreme.

George Michael? Simon Cowell? No, that kid is an Osmond. But scary. A metro-Osmond. He sounds like a woman. A woman who can't stay in tune. That was a very strange thing to watch.

Rachel Zevita. Opera? Rock star? Something tells me she won't make it past Hollywood. This makes you also wonder about all the golden ticket holders. They're watching the show seeing everyone else who has received a golden ticket. Of course, they've already done Hollywood and they know whether or not they're contenders for the top 24. THAT they do once we watch all of this.

Oh, I'm so grateful for lots of commercials and the "fast forward" button on the TiVo remote.

Chris Richardson. I'm not quite sure why the judges got so excited about him. He sang way too fast and he sang a song that Elliott knocked out of the park. He sort of reminds me of Justin Timberlake, I guess. But I don't see what all the fuss is about. He was a bit nasaly and rushed. And he said he was singing a song (no pun intended) "interpretated" by Donny Hathaway. Yeah, I'm not feeling it on that one.

Okay, Nicholas Pedro. The guy who backed out in Hollywood this past season. From Taunton, MA. (Did you catch that, Mom?) I like him. I thought they might not let him through, but he has a nice voice. And being from my home state doesn't hurt.

Isadora. Or Julie. Whatever. What's this show rated? That has got to be the most embarrassing thing I have ever watched on TV. I had a visceral reaction. And not the good kind.

I love that Ryan is the host. "It's been 2 days for us. How many has it been for you?" ROTFL!

35 from New York. 35!! Maybe this year's American Idol will hail from New York. I don't know. Next week it's Birmingham!!

Bo out.

Week 2B - New York

Nice to have Carol amongst the judges. I love her music. I see Paula took the opportunity to have her sit between Simon and Randy for a change. Heh.

Ian needs a another couple of therapists. I hated him on So You Think You Can Dance...he was even worse here. Fran Drescher on crack, without the redeeming good looks. I'm glad he already has money - maybe that's his problem in the first place - clearly he's never worked for anyone's respect.

Sarah Burgess was good, and I'd like to see her back. Though I don't know how far she can go, she'll be interesting to watch. Definitely a story for the reality part of the show, even if she can't keep up with the talent. I'm betting her dad is a lot madder than he indicated on the phone call afterward.

Missed the next girl's name - that's okay.

Ashanti Johnson - not good enough, but I was less than amused by the soap opera setup they created to accompany her pleading.

Amanda and Antonella - off key together. Amanda - pitchy by herself, and needs more training. I wouldn't have passed her. Seemed to me she was passed on her looks. Antonella on her own was actually slightly better than Antonella. The judges agreed.
Good old 'kick em while they're down' Simon.

Clifton Biddle - not so much. What's the point of playing a harmonica on your second and last chance in a singing audition?!

Kia Thornton surprised me with her deep, powerful voice. Definitely a contender. I also liked Carol's advice. Simon seems to have gotten Bo's email about exceeding 100%, but Randy apparently missed it.

Jason, was it? Very good for his age. He'll be enjoyable to watch.

Kia - much worse on her second try. Should've have stuck to the first one.

Sarah Goldberg - no, thank you. Pretty smile, though. Too bad she's delusional. Simon was suspiciously/conveniently absent for this one. Did he know better from having met her earlier? Ah - no - just late for work.

Antonio - learning to pronounce your 'k's should happen shortly after getting your green card.

Jory - very nice singing, but she didn't move me, yet. Definitely worth a chance.

Porcelana Portino - her style is not to my personal taste, but she's definitely worked hard, and will continue to do so, and it all showed in her performance. I think she may have trouble with different genres, however.

Christopher Henry - range was too high for me or the competition, but definitely talented. Easy Simon prey, and of course he pounced.

Rachel Zevita - a bit loud, but decent talent. Just not quite good enough, for me, though I might have gone along with the crowd in letting her through. I predict an unhappy and probably dramatic end to her time with the show. Simon will have it in for her, but in the end, it won't just be his opinion.

Chris Richardson - refreshing, but I'm not convinced he's got the breadth. Still, definitely worth a shot. As Paula noted, he'll definitely be a hit with the ladies.

Nicholas (bowed out last season) Pedro - wonderful voice, with a unique, sexy edge. If he can learn/remember lyrics this season, he'll go a long way.

Clairvoyant Isadora should have known better (I'm typing this before hearing her, to prove I'm more psychic than she is - her flat affect gives it away). Surprise! I was right! For phone readings, feel free to call me at 1-800-555-1223, or see my page on Kasamba.com.

I'm beginning to understand that they don't have time (in the decent cities) to show all the good ones that get the golden ticket, so it's better to show some of the disasters than hand-pick only from the golden prospects, which would set those contestants up with viewer expectations more so than the occasional golden ticket we get to see as it is.

See you next week!...

...John

Memphis

I didn't get to watch the show till today (sorry Stacy! ;) ), but it's still the auditions, which are pretty much all the same. In fact, that's what I'll start off with today!

I think I could write one review for all the auditions, then copy and paste it each week and it would be accurate!

It would go something like this:

I generally like everyone they put through. It's hard to really see what they've got when you only see them for a few seconds, but I look forward to seeing them in the future and seeing what they're *really* like.

The weirdos come out of the woodwork for the auditions no matter where they're at! There's a plentiful supply, and they're drawn to the AI tryouts. You can count of Fox to show them for about 95% of the show!

Notable moments in Memphis:

Ryan's picnic tablecloth shirt

Sundance's surprisingly good voice

Carol Brady's haircut on magenta hair

"I'm tempted to ask if you sang that to your wife the night before she left" - What a jerk you are Simon!

Melinda the back up singer - I *loved* what I saw of her! Her humility was refreshing, especially since she's sings REALLY WELL, unlike others who *aren't* humble, yet sing terribly!

Priorities: You miss the birth of your baby for AI tryouts? We'll give him the benefit of the doubt and say the baby wasn't expected that morning... I don't remember his name, but I agree with Randy: I really liked his voice but did NOT like watching him sing! We'll see what he's got in the future...

When they showed the "golden ticket holders" at the end, I recognized almost no one! I hope we get to see a little more of them before they get booted out of Hollywood.

That's all for now...you east coasters will be watching tonight's episode in 15 minutes!

Week 2A - Memphis

Hopefully my opinions won't be affected by the fact that President Bush had the audacity to delay the airing of American Idol with his sad attempt to impress us yet again with his failed presidency...

The first guy was just bad.

Timika Sims had a memorable name, but horrible singing. At least Simon made it clear to her that she wanted to be a mayor???!!!

Next guy was cocky and sucked.

Alexis looked like Olive Oyl. Also not good.

Sundance Head looks like he's gonna do Elvis. Nope. Pretty darn good for the genre he prefers. Can he make it through the different styles?

Wandira was okay, but just okay. I can't blame the judges for passing.

Travis McKinney was a joke after his self-styled buildup to an expectation of an 'emotional' song. What WAS that?

Danielle was somewhat better than okay, but I tend to agree with Randy that she won't last long unless the crowd at home passes her on her looks.

'Topher' McCain - naw.

I missed the name of the next girl, but didn't miss her singing. I still don't. I wish I had...and didn't.

Sean Michel - fair voice, but the song seemed original, and I'm a little leery of the part where the Lord told Sean to get out there and change the world. That's Tom Cruise's job, since the Scientologists made him Christ.

Melinda Doolittle did a lot with 'For Once In My Life' - very good, and will last awhile. She has the potential to grow through the show and potentially win.

Robert Lee Holmes - clearly disappointed in the judges' failure to recognize...something.

Philip Stacy - Very good potential. Simon just doesn't like him cuz he's shaved his head, so naturally he must be inferior to Simon's thick locks.


In parting, I have to borrow, briefly, Dr. Mark's style of listing 'dont's':

1) DON'T remove your underwear without removing your pants, while singing. It's distracting, and they didn't look clean. Your mama taught you better.

2) DON'T remove your underwear AFTER removing your pants, while singing (thought I'd include that, just in case).

See you, sorry - y'all - tomorrow...

John

I've Got the Blues in Memphis

One hour. Perfect. It was almost too short this time . . . almost. I was pleased with the relative dearth of costumes, props, and animals. Considering more people made it from Memphis than in the previous two cities, I was disappointed in that we were not treated to a bit more talent. But all in all, it was a decent show.

On to my "Top 10 Things A.I. Wannabes Should Know: Memphis Edition."

10. Would you please stop mumbling?! I know Bucky made mumbling fashionable and profitable (think "I'm mery sumadishus"), but please enunciate!!! If the judges can't understand you, you can't go to Hollywood.

9. Heads up--Randy is a bit more himself today. I think returning to his southern home (Alabama's not far away) has helped the dawg feel a bit better. Oh, he's still on a mission to rid the world of pathetic singers, furthering his greatness as a member of a famous rock band, but he's at least a little more pleasant and funny today.

8. Never, and I mean ne-ver tell the judges "I can dance" or "I can do it all" or "I am a triple threat" or any such statement so as to give the impression of multiple talents. Chances are the singing isn't much better either.

7. We at American Idol have decided to inconvenience the city of Memphis by blocking off various important areas in town so people will think all of the city came to audition. Cheap trick, I know, but we are just full enough of ourselves to think all the world cares.

6. Anyone thinking of using profane language or hand gestures, be warned. We have to pay someone to put those things on the video later, and we're going to have to pay the guy overtime this week because of all of you (plus we had to pay the Queen a bit after she laid into us for using her national flag last week in such a rude and tasteless manner). So this week, we will be collecting a fee for each incident of profanity or lewd gesturing.

5. If you pull your underwear out of your pants while singing, and toss it on the floor, we will not pick it up. We will not wash it. It will remain there until someone is brave enough to dispose of it. Oh, and you will not make it through to Hollywood.

4. Simon is not a big fan of encores, so begging to sing another song, or just launching into another selection will not erase the memories of a terrible first choice. "First is the worst, Second is the best" only works in the lunch line in 3rd grade.

3. Lefty and righty falling out of your dress will not be construed as "conservative" or "innocent." The way it is going to happen today will not be construed as "sexy" either. It's mostly just disturbing and annoying.

2. No Elvis impersonators will be allowed on camera today. It's just too cheesy in Memphis. Maybe in Las Vegas. But, skinny guys dressed nothing like Elvis, who refuse to realize that doing "motions with the music" is the same as dancing, and then sing an Elvis song will be allowed to audition. And if you have good vocals and a good voice, that helps.

1. We are facilitating political asylum for a Caribbean dictator today, so don't be alarmed. Plus, Fidel can sing!

Bonus advice from the Doctor for all of you auditioning in Memphis today, again, haiku style.

Elvis--gone today
Cuban Jesus takes his place
A.I. strikes again

So, week 2A is in the books, and 2B promises to wow us! The promos from New York look innocuous enough. I can't wait to see what 2 hours tomorrow bring us.

Walking in Memphis

Well at least I have a *good* song in my head tonight. Now, THAT is what I call a GOOD audition show! A few not-so-great performances and a BUNCH of great ones! That's what I like to see!

I'm not sure why I like it so much tonight. It could be that the auditions were MUCH better than the previous week. It could be that it's only a 1-hour show. It could be that they showed a "Shrek the Third" promo. I don't know.

Frank Byers, cheerleader. I predicted the word "cabaret" coming from Simon's mouth. Give me a "C!" . . . at least even the "bad" auditions are good. This is a major step up.

Timika Sims. I didn't understand her either. But I love the slow, hokey music bio! And I'm totally curious to see what Mark's typing right behind me. Mr. Bucky impersonator himself.

Sundance Head. WOW. And Simon doesn't like Taylor, does he?

Another ogling moment. Simon to cute blonde after Randy disses her: "I know what Randy's saying, but (something, something, tone, voice, something), you're cute, Renee Zelweg . . . I mean, Danny! You have a blues-y tone that's unusual for someone your age."

Girl with her breasts falling out, I mean, sunglasses--Did she say that their first impression of her would be that she's "innocent, conservative, and sexy?" How is it possible to be none of those at the same time?

Fidel Castro! WOW! I love his voice! I hope he makes it past Hollywood and into the Top 12 just so the hair and make-up people can have their way with him. I wonder what's under all that hair?!

Back-up singer that looks like a short Jennifer Hudson--very good! Her neck emerges when she sings and goes away when she self-consciously talks, but she's good.

Once more, this time for the benefit of Randy and Simon, you can't be "one million per cent" anything.

Wow, this is so much better than the first week . . .

Stupid montages . . . What the heck is that guy pulling out of his pants?! . . .

And Phil Stacy? The guy who missed the birth of his baby? He DID sound better on the start of the 2nd song. Stupid Simon.

Meet Here After The Show!

It's Tuesday! As always, meet here after the show for hilarious reviews and lots of laughs!

American Idol Meets the Oscars

More big news for past A.I. contestants. Apparently a Golden Globe wasn't enough--now Jennifer Hudson's been nominated for an Oscar for her role in Dreamgirls. I don't know how much A.I. had to do with her success now, but it sure gives new meaning to the phrase, "I don't need this show to be famous!"

Read the article here.

Cruelty on A.I.? Never!

I came across this article and thought it was interesting. I'll say nothing more about it.

http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/ent/4489184.html

What I'd Like, But What I Will

I thought it would be fun to "warm up" as we enter week 2 of the audition shows. Don't worry. I won't mention again how I really don't like these shows, but continue to watch anyway. I won't say it. I won't alienate any of you again. I refuse to. Anyway, this activity is called "What I'd Like, But What I Will." I'm going to list a few things I'd like to see on the show this week, and then I'll list a few things I think I will see. Here we go!

What I'd Like

1. In an unprecedented move, the producers of "American Idol" refuse to allow anyone dressed in a costume to appear before the judges. These people will need to "change or go home." Oh, and they'll have to be able to sing.

2. Randy decides that it really isn't cool to be mean, especially since his witticisms include the cerebral, "dude, dawg, dude" and the intelligently thought out "I dunno." Instead he will opt for constructive criticism stemming from years of experience in the industry, shunning frequent references to playing in the "greatest band of all time" or working with anyone labeled the "greatest ________ in the known (world, universe, etc.)

3. Paula will stop making silly jokes about how she'd like to vomit when she sees Simon, or how their children would look like dogs, or any of the like. She will just admit she sort of likes him and then she can cut out all of the teen-age flirting.


What I Will

1. Elvis impersonator after Elvis impersonator after Apollo Creed/Uncle Sam/Statue of Liberty after Elvis impersonator, all with little singing talent, parade before the judges, stealing airtime from talented singers honestly trying to "make it."

2. Thousands of people proclaim, "I AM the next American Idol."^TM, wave at the screen, and then prove why there is only one American Idol and millions of people who are NOT.

3. More humiliated people add insult to injury by trying to open the left door. PLEASE! Someone put a sign on that door!

Enjoy the show!

Scoop's Blog

Well, one of my online researcher colleagues has been toying with a concept. Here is his test blog:

http://realitytvreport.blogspot.com/

He's not expanding it, but he's working on launching something else. When he does, we can post about it here. In the meantime, enjoy poking around the site for some interesting links and stories! And thanks for the link, too! :)

Caption This!

Okay, everyone, here's something just for fun (2 more days and then we're back to more Idol)! Use the comment section, "caption this," and have fun!